


When U Love Somebody & Bite Your Tongue

by il_miglior_fabbro



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternative Universe - Office Workers, Appearances from BTS members, Appearances from EXO members, Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fermented Bullshit, Fluff, M/M, this is just
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-09-23 10:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17079029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/il_miglior_fabbro/pseuds/il_miglior_fabbro
Summary: The story of how Kunpimook Bhuwakul finally got his shit together and asked Kim Yugyeom out. You know, after he spent a couple of months in the throes of unrequited-love woes. And yes, Jackson, that's an actual thing.(Featuring office shenanigans, a secret chat group and way too many phallic comments.)





	1. A Fortituous Beginning (No, seriously!)

“Man, I don’t think I can take this anymore.” Kunpimook turns to Jackson, who appears to have died on the keyboard, his computer screen open to a document that rapidly types out _‘ashshfnejnfnejfnejnfjenjfnejnferrbfhbehbfehbfhbhefbehbfehbfheb’._

Jackson grunts in response, more caveman than his usual wild-and-sexy persona.

(Though, if you ask Kunpimook, the whole wild-and-sexy thing is a bit primitive in itself.)

“Dude.” Kunpimook reaches out with his left leg and quickly, effectively, kicks Jackson into a sitting position.

“BamBam,” Jackson whines, “Can’t you see that I’m busy suffering?”

Kunpimook rolls his eyes at the boy’s theatrics. “We’re all suffering. That’s literally what this job is for. Suffering. A huge gathering for all the masochists to come and get a good old wank off programming bullshit to stop horny teenagers from sticking their virtual dicks into our shit.”

Okay, so maybe Kunpimook is just as theatrical. That’s why he and Jackson make such good friends after all.

“Dude, you’re killing me,” Jackson winces. “I don’t want to think about dicks while programming.”

Kunpimook rolls his eyes. “ _Dude_ , you’re always thinking about dicks.”

“ _You’re_ a dick.” Jackson retorts as he leans back in his chair, looking at Kunpimook with exaggerated puerility.

“Oh, wow,” Kunpimook flutters his eyelashes, “Is that your subtle way of telling me that I’m always on your mind? Is this a confession?”

Jackson lets out a mixture of a gasp and laugh; an amalgamation created from the boy’s appreciation for burns and dislike for being the one getting burned.

“Can you guys maybe shut up?”

Jackson and Kunpimook both look up to see Mark hanging over their cubicles. The boy’s expression is impassive but that’s kind of Mark’s default mode so Kunpimook can’t really assess how annoyed the guy is.

“Why are your panties always in such a twist?” Jackson doesn’t seem to mind testing the older boy’s anger and Kunpimook resists the urge to softly smack his head with his palm.

Mark glares; a brief expression which lasts for all but half a second and yet somehow manages to instill more feelings of _oh-shit-we-fucked-up_ than when Jaebum gets into what Jackson had so eloquently termed _hulk-smash_ mode _._

This triggers a one-sided conversation wherein Jackson attempts to wind up Marks’ panties even more (at this point, it’s going to take surgical removal to unwind those goddamn panties) and Mark tries to stop him from talking by using Jackson’s miniature fencing sword as a poker, incessantly stabbing Jackson in the throat with it.

The result of this has Jaebum stomping over to them.

“For God’s sake. Can I not get a moment of peace in this office?” Jaebum says, the phrase practiced and controlled. From experience, Kunpimook knows that Jaebum is like a pirate in his use of profanity when outside the office, but certain stipulations (i.e. being the manager) stop him from being too mouthy (ha ha) when wearing his blue and green tie.

“Mark started it.” Jackson is quick to push the blame on the other boy.

“I only came because you and BamBam kept going on about _dicks_.” Mark deadpans.

“Ha, he came.” Jackson whispers conspiratorially to Kunpimook, who snickers in response.

Mark rolls his eyes. Jaebum pretends he didn’t hear anything. That seems to be his go-to tactic for most of his interactions with Jackson.

“Do I have to break you guys up again?” Jaebum sighs with disappointment.

Jackson and Kunpimook exchange a glance. ‘Breaking them up’ has occurred exactly 26 times in the two years Jackson has been here (Kunpimook marks his third year anniversary this year) and Jaebum usually yields after a week. The longest separation was two weeks; Jackson had come back with bruises on his arm (benefits of being seated with Youngjae) and Kunpimook had been super productive with literally no one around him in their corner (Jinyoung and Mark barely speak so they _don’t_ count) of the office.

(After all, you could only make the excuse of making coffee so many times before Jinyoung noticed and shuttled you back to your seat to “do what you’re paid for”.)

“Fuck, Jaebum hyung, you can’t do that to us. Not again.” Jackson gasps dramatically.

“What did I tell you about swear words in the office?” Jaebum gripes.

“They’re to be encouraged and used to express emotions that would otherwise be bottled up for years until finally exploding in a shitstorm of childhood trauma and repressed sexual urges which would lead the person in question to commit suicide or homicide?” Jackson retorts without skipping a beat. Kunpimook feels a paternal pride at the comment; a perfectly crafted comeback.

Jaebum has a confused look on his face. “What the – What in the world?” He stutters.

“Jaebum hyung, this is marking the beginning of your spiral into madness. Remember: expression, not suppression.” Kunpimook preaches.

Mark scoffs and leaves, taking Jackson’s pointy-sword-thing with him. Jackson gets up to go take it back, letting out an affronted “Markipoo!”

Jaebum looks very much exhausted, and his frustration seems to be delving into anger so Kunpimook decides to step in.

“Sorry we’re being dicks, hyung. I’ll blackmail Jackson into being quieter for the rest of the day.” He ends it with a charming grin; one he knows reminds Jaebum of when Kunpimook had first joined this job, and so gets him all soft and paternal.

“You say that like you’re not just as bad as him.” Jaebum huffs, but he ruffles Kunpimook’s head before turning to leave.

 

 

 

 

It’s lunch time at the office which means it’s gather-all-your-chairs-around-a-single-table time. Kunpimook doesn’t know whether he should find Jinyoung’s fixation on emulating a family disturbing but his general strategy for dealing with Jinyoung is just to go with it.

Youngjae lets out a groan too long winded and loud than is actually appropriate and Kunpimook tells him just that but in more explicit terms, of course.

“Shut up BamBamie.” Youngjae whines, blushing as if he doesn’t have five different USBs for all his different porn collections.

Mark sighs quietly, as if questioning his existence and what exactly it was that led him to be sitting here, listening to them. Kunpimook’s heard this specific sigh so many times that he could probably recognise it if Mark ever died and all they had left of him was a recording of a ‘sigh’ which was altered and put on a sick beat because the Evil Mastermind who had killed Mark was also a Twisted DJ.

Just as he is about to tell this to Mark, Jinyoung comes into the little kitchen-type room they have for lunch and making coffee. With him is Yugyeom, the fresh, new kid.

Well, not really the fresh, new kid. It’s been like two weeks and a half. But considering they’ve only interacted in morning elevator rides (Yugyeom: “Good morning BamBam-ssi.” Kunpimook: _muffled grunt as he drowns his exhaustion in coffee_ ), they aren’t exactly close. It’s weird, since despite what Mark would say, their office is a small but tightly-knit group. You kind of have to be when you’re situated in the middle of nowhere fighting bad internet and bad viruses because JYP decided that he wanted to ‘expand’ (which by the way, makes no fucking sense. They’re the tech unit?? Why do they have to go into the middle of nowhere?).

Anyway, Yugyeom had joined courtesy of Jinyoung who was a family friend. He’d been awkward and shy and really large and he was still the same, though occasionally he broke out of his shell to viciously diss Jinyoung.

This had made Kunpimook and Jackson eager to befriend him but so far they had been unsuccessful. Their attempts to take him out to lunch had been politely rebuffed. But then, on a day when Kunpimook was sick, Jackson had apparently taken Yugyeom out for lunch and they’d become friends. So, it looked like Yugyeom just didn’t like Kunpimook.

(Which was fine. Totally. It’s not like Kunpimook _needed_ everyone to like him.)

“Hey Yugyeom.” Kunpimook greets the taller (but younger) boy. Yugyeom looks down in surprise but nods back, a small smile on his face.

(Okay, yeah, he kind of totally did need everyone to like him.)

“How’re your limbs?” Jackson questions, glancing in mock anger at Youngjae.

“Still intact, though not for a lack of trying from his part.” Yugyeom responds, almost mumbling, as he takes out a ham sandwich.

Kunpimook and Jackson snicker while Youngjae leans forward to smack the boy.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Alright, alright, settle down.”

Jaebum chooses to finally make his appearance and sits down next to Yugyeom. “Sorry, corporate call.”

“That’s what he always says. We have no actual way of finding out if he’s actually just had phone sex. Do you guys ever think about that?” Jackson questions abruptly.

“No.” Mark stares at Jackson as if he were a specimen under a microscope.

“Yeah, I can’t say that’s crossed my mind.” Kunpimook adds on, staring at Jackson, hoping his expression conveys the _what-the-fuck_ he feels.

Jaebum is doing his usual _ignore-Jackson-while-you-can_ thing and eating his rice with a constipated expression on his face which reminds Kunpimook to take out his lunch, a simple curry he’d made the night before.

“So, how productive have we all been so far?” Jinyoung has his HR smile on his face and Kunpimook feels like he’s in group therapy, even though he’s never actually been to group therapy.

“As productive as we always are.” Youngjae replies, somewhat cheekily.

“I don’t know why you bother asking that question. It’s not like you’re going to get a truthful answer, and even if you do get a truthful answer, it’s not like you’re going to be happy about it.” Mark comments casually before picking up a kimbap roll and chewing on it, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Oh, pardon me for actually trying to discuss work, at work.”

Jackson pats the boy’s arm in a manner which appears to be comforting but is probably kind of painful.

“Don’t worry about it, dude. I think it’s really cool when you make us do this confession thing. Makes me feel like I’m in church.” Jackson’s comment is punctuated by a loud laugh from Youngjae and Kunpimook can’t help himself from joining in when Jinyoung turns to them with a piercing glare.

Jaebum places his fingers on the side of his head, pressing insistently. “Can you guys be quiet for like a second?” He admonishes, his gaze fixed on Jackson.

“Why are you so _grumpy_ today?” Jackson questions in return, and Jaebum’s eyes take on a darker shade.

Kunpimook’s eyes meet Jinyoung’s in a moment of shared _oh-fuck_.

“Jackson,” Jaebum begins, “Not everyone wants to be stuck with this much work and have to deal with your histrionics on a daily basis. If I’d known that I’d have to be a manager with you as a colleague then I would have reconsidered it.”

His voice gets progressively angrier through the sentence and Mark quietly puts his chopsticks down. Yugyeom’s eyes are fixed on the table, an awkward expression on his face. Youngjae, bless his soul, continues eating.

Jackson gasps. “Jeez Louise, you really know how to hurt a guy.”

The facetious response is so utterly _Jackson_ and Kunpimook briefly contemplates whether it would be appropriate for him to facepalm before deciding that no, this is probably not the best time.

(It never seems to be the best time.)

“Okay guys, let’s calm down.” Jinyoung quickly intervenes, a palm pushing Jaebum’s shoulder back as the boy leans forward.

“Yeah, let’s not eat lunch in anger, huh?” Youngjae laughs nervously. Jaebum seems to noticeably shift in demeanor at Youngjae’s comment, something in his expression hardening for a second in what appears to be self-control before he exhales slowly.

“I’ll eat in my office today.” He announces.

“I’ll eat with you, hyung.” Youngjae is quick to offer with a smile.

Jaebum shakes his head resolutely. “I’d rather you not. I’d prefer being alone right now.”

Youngjae sits down with a shrug, looking a bit annoyed at the quick rejection.

When Jaebum leaves, the room seems to breathe a bit easier as the tension leaks out.

Jinyoung smacks Jackson’s arm.

“Ow, what the fiddlesticks?” Jackson holds his arm in mock anger.

“You need to learn to stop,” Jinyoung ignores the remark, “You know how corporate’s been riding his ass with status reports. He’s fucking stressed.”

“We’re all fucking stressed,” Jackson huffs, “Me and BamBam have been going through a shit ton of data to pick up stuff for his reports. I’ve reached a whole new fucking dimension where I’m seeing colours in goddamn binary.”

Kunpimook can’t help but wince in solidarity. “I feel like I’ve been skullfucked by a thousand green dicks-”

Mark places a hand over his mouth. “Don’t. Please, just don’t.”

Kunpimook glares but Mark’s anguished expression ends up making him laugh, a startled choking sound which has the boy pulling his hand away in disgust.

Yugyeom looks at them curiously. “You guys are kind of weird.”

Kunpimook stares at him with squinted eyes, surprised that the boy is actually talking. “What gave it away? Jackson’s continuous denial of his sexuality or my bombass style which doesn’t belong in this monotonous brain-dead Capitalist factory?”

“I think it might have been the endless dick jokes,” Yugyeom has a teasing glint in his eyes, “Kind of makes a guy wonder what you two do during your free time.”

Kunpimook’s face automatically forms a rictus while Jackson lets out a prolonged “ewww!” Youngjae is laughing his head off (quite literally; Kunpimook is worried for the poor guy’s neck).

“If I didn’t enjoy casual roasting so much, you would be burned completely dude.” Jackson says, obviously attempting to look menacing. The actual result is a constipated expression which has Mark shaking his head in disappointment and disgust.

Jackson notices this and turns to him. “What, you don’t like casual roasting? You like your meat raw?”

Mark rolls his eyes. “I’m going to have _your_ meat raw when I tear into it like an animal.”

Jackson places a hand on his chest. “Markipoo, are you flirting with me?”

Mark just gives him the middle finger in response.

“Oh man, Mark hyung, you’ve really made Jackson’s day now,” Kunpimook goads, “I can already imagine it.”

He folds his hands together and imitates a lovey dovey expression. “Today, my Markipoo said he was going to ride my meaty, thick ass raw. Isn’t that _so_ romantic?”

When Mark lunges for Kunpimook this time, no one is able to stop him. Kunpimook kind of deserves it anyway.

 

 

 

 

Kunpimook really does not like mornings. Early mornings, to be exact. Early mornings when he has to go to the office, to be unabashedly exact. There’s just something about pushing your numb mind and stiff body out of a heavenly bed that doesn’t appeal to Kunpimook. 

He goes through the motions of his morning routine in a zombie-like trance, leaving the house with a blueberry muffin half in his mouth. It’s kind of comical, the way he is in the morning, before he’s had sufficient sugar and coffee to boost up his energy levels.

Jinyoung finds it endearing and feels the need to coo and pinch (rather harshly) at Kunpimook’s cheeks, which just annoys Kunpimook even more.

His commute is simpler than most; their transfer to a place near the outskirts of Seoul (if that’s even a thing) means that they all live close to each other and close to the building where their office is located. Kunpimook usually walks there since it allows him to grab a coffee and the morning air _rejuvenates his senses_.

(Not really, but Jinyoung had mentioned something about how nature did that and the cheesy as fuck phrase wouldn’t leave Kunpimook’s head.)

When he was younger, he used to put his headphones in and listen to music as he walked to work but two years with working with Jackson have made him wary of jumpscares and he can no longer safely go anywhere without fearing the older boy’s sudden presence.

It would be kind of distressing if it didn’t go both ways.

When Kunpimook reaches their work building – an Americano in his hand and a number in his other (cute girl at the counter, way out of his league really, but hey, always try!) – the rundown brick structure that looks like some sort of old torture center from the war days, he breathes out in relief. They have an unspoken rule of no jumpscares in the office. Anything from home to work is No Man’s Land, but work? Work is the holy motherfucking church. No foolhardiness, in Mark’s words, allowed.

He enters the building and looks over instinctively to the security guard; a strange young man called Byun Baekhyun. Kunpimook isn’t sure why exactly the man is a security guard; the stack of classical literature that the man keeps with him are an obvious indicator that he’s somewhat intelligent. Not that he’s saying security guards aren’t smart. But, you know, you wouldn’t expect someone who can quote Housman to be a security guard.

“Heya BamBam.” Baekhyun grins cheerfully. Okay, so he may be an all-round great guy but he has this _weird_ way of getting off on other people’s misery in the morning.

“Hyung, it’s too early to be that cheerful.” Kunpimook replies, a standard response.

Baekhyun’s grin gets even wider, verging on maniacal at this point. “You know me. All cheer.”

Kunpimook scoffs at that and they engage in small talk for a bit (read: Kunpimook drills Baekhyun on any developments with the ‘cute boy next door’ and Baekhyun dodges all of his questions with practiced ease) before the buzzer at the door sounds the arrival of another person.

Kunpimook turns to see Yugyeom walking down the hallway, dressed in a blue dress shirt and trousers. A laptop bag is strapped across the boy’s chest and Kunpimook wonders what he keeps in there since computers are provided by corporate. Kunpimook himself opts for a stylish two strap bag filled with food and Important Papers, reminiscent of his high school days. Yugyeom’s gaze meets Kunpimook’s in a surprised moment though Kunpimook isn’t sure what exactly he’s surprised of.

“Good morning.” He greets Kunpimook and then nods, almost imperceptibly, to Baekhyun.

“Is that any way to greet your hyung?” Baekhyun goads lightly as he leans back in his desk chair. It’s the kind with wheels; Kunpimook and Jackson had chipped into get the chair for Christmas. It had been way too expensive for a goddamn _chair_ , but the smile on Baekhyun’s face upon receiving it (and the considerable decrease in complaints about back pain) had been worth it.

Yugyeom shuffles slightly on his feet. “Um, we’ve never spoken?” His tone conveys the bewilderment that his stoic posture fails to convey.

Kunpimook rolls his eyes. “Oh come on, Baekhyun hyung, he’s the new kid. Give him some time before you start corrupting him, huh?”

“Says you.” Baekhyun retorts as Yugyeom lets out an affronted “I’m not a kid!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Kunpimook leans in, trying his best to look intimidating.

“You’re the most corrupted in this building,” Baekhyun sneers before pausing thoughtfully, “Bar maybe Jackson.”

Kunpimook opens his mouth and then closes it. “Yeah, I can’t really deny that.”

Baekhyun reaches out with a slender hand and pats his arm in a consolatory manner. “It’s okay, kid, the first step to recovery is acceptance.”

Kunpimook laughs at that and his head rises to see Yugyeom watching them with a contemplative expression.

“Ah,” Kunpimook grabs the boy attention with a quick snap of his fingers, “I should probably introduce you two. Kim Yugyeom, meet Byun Baekhyun and you know, vice versa.”

He turns to Yugyeom with a smirk. “If you value your sanity and peace of mind, then I would suggest you never speak to Baekhyun hyung again. Take the back entrance or something. He has a tendency to try and psychoanalyse people, kinda like Jinyoung hyung, when he’s not off trying to impress his neighbour with his vast knowledge of gardening and that…what did you call that weird archaeological game?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Baekhyun says, but he quickly clicks something on his computer.

Kunpimook turns to Yugyeom and is pleased to see a small smile on the boy’s face. “So, yeah, that’s Baekhyun hyung. He’s been here forever.”

“Actually only fours years. Feels like forever though…” Baekhyun says and smiles at Yugyeom, the warm smile that shows off his Colgate worthy teeth and makes Kunpimook feel all gooey inside, “Call me hyung.”

Yugyeom laughs, a bewildered gaspy sound, and nods. “Sure thing, hyung.”

Later on, when they’re in the lift, Kunpimook feels Yugyeom’s gaze on his face.

“What is it?” Kunpimook asks him, blunt as a butter knife.

Yugyeom looks a bit flustered as he looks forward, gaze firmly fixated on the doors.

“I, I don’t know, I guess I was just thinking about how…” He pauses with a contemplative expression, “Weird you guys are?”

Kunpimook snorts. “Thanks for that, dude. Really touches my heart to receive such quality customer feedback. Will be sure to add it into the ever-growing list of things Jinyoung hyung needs to send to corporate.”

Yugyeom waves his hands around in a flustered manner. “This is what I mean,” He says with a laugh, “I have no fucking idea how to interact with you guys.”

“Hey,” Kunpimook admonishes, “We’re in the office building. No motherfucking profanity allowed!”

Yugyeom and Kunpimook both burst into laughter as the doors open and they exit, still laughing.

“You’ll get used to it.” Kunpimook winks at the boy as he takes off his jacket to hang on the coat rack.

Yugyeom gives him a skeptical gaze that is eerily similar to Jinyoung’s.

“Or,” Kunpimook says as he rubs his hands, “You’ll get fired.”

 

 

 

 

“One word: Dildos.” Jackson says halfway through the day.

“One finger.” Kunpimook says before performing a gesture which he hopes stops Jackson. It’s a futile attempt, of course.

“Come on dude, I was thinking about this yesterday while watching _Game of Thrones_ ,” Jackson says but pauses when Kunpimook squints briefly, “Okay, _Desperate Housewives_ , but that’s beside the point!”

“You’re literally the unmanliest man I know.” Kunpimook insults.

“Watching _Game of Thrones_ has no correlation with manliness.” Jackson replies.

“Can you guys be quiet?” Jinyoung is the one to lean over this time, looking annoyed.

Kunpimook wonders whether he and Mark have some sort of schedule, wherein they take turns to complain about Jackson and Kunpimook’s Disturbances. It would make sense; the routine cyclical way in which they tend to be scolded had always seemed a bit too on time to be spontaneous.

He is just about to ask this when he feels the testosterone levels in the room increase by 10% which can only mean that Im Jaebum, unit manager, has just exited his office.

“Fuck,” Kunpimook hisses to Jackson, “Goober alert.”

Jackson’s entire demeanor changes in an impressive flash; his posture straightens and his fingers dance over the keys as he stares at the computer screen with deadly concentration. Kunpimook has to bite his lip to stop himself from erupting into laughter at the abrupt transformation. He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down as Jaebum nears them.

“Wow, you’re both working,” Jaebum’s tone is sardonic, “That’s a first.”

Jackson feigns surprise. “Oh, hyung! I didn’t see you there.”

Jaebum rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, Jackson-ah.”

Jackson merely grins, affecting an air of childlike innocence surprisingly well. Jaebum’s gaze softens just a little bit, but the suspicion set in the firm line of his mouth remains. Kunpimook bites his lip even harder. Jaebum, of course, chooses that moment to turn to Kunpimook.

“What do you look so happy about?” Jaebum inquires, crossing his arms.

“Life is looking good. I have a Jackson wild-and-sexy Wang on my right and an Im cutie-pie Jaebum in front of me. This is every middle schooler’s wet dream, is it not?” Kunpimook rattles off.

The chokehold that follows is expected and Kunpimook is slightly disturbed at how easily his body reacts to the lack of oxygen. Well, experience maketh survivors of us all.

When Kunpimook starts to turn slightly purple, Jaebum leans back.

“Is that really –” Kunpimook gasps, “Work-appropriate behaviour? I’m – I’m going to file a complaint to HR.”

Jaebum scoffs. “Yeah, yeah. Come on you two. I actually have to discuss some things with you.”

Jackson and Kunpimook turn to each other.

_Things?_ Jackson mouths. Kunpimook shrugs helplessly. Jaebum whacks them both on the head.

“Hey, I’ll really file a complaint!”

 

 

 

 

“This is not fair.” Jackson says, placing his head on the table with a forlorn expression on his face. Kunpimook sighs in agreement.

“So not fucking fair.”

“I mean, why me? Mark could go. You could go. So why me?” Jackson complains.

“You’ve got the most meat. I guess you’re more physically adapted to deal with Youngjae’s smacks.” Kunpimook replies, almost thoughtful in his reasoning for why Jackson was being moved.

“We haven’t even been that bad this week. Why would he split us up?” Jackson continues.

“It’s not about that this time. Jaebum hyung already said so. And fuck the dude, but the reasoning seemed sound.” Kunpimook taps his fingers on the desk repeatedly.

“Youngjae is the best at this computers’ shit. Why would he even need help?” Jackson grumbles.

Kunpimook knew, from experience, that what Jackson was looking for here was not a logical explanation but rather shameless flattery. Kunpimook was more than willing to provide this of course.

“You’re the best after him. I mean, remember the two hour virus attack thing you did? That was fucking impressive, bro.” Kunpimook says.

Jackson laughs a quick delighted sound. “That _was_ fucking epic, bro.”

They hear someone clear their throat and turn to see a nervous Yugyeom looking down at them with a bunch of files in his hand.

“Uh hey. I was told to move here?” Yugyeom asks; his voice devoid of the brief familiarity of the morning. Kunpimook sighs internally; this guy really was a tough nut to crack. Then he smiles internally, because, _nut_.

Jackson gets up with a sigh. “Yeah, I’ll go get my meat smacked till I’m all tender and ready to be cooked.”

He fistbumps Kunpimook before messily gathering all his things, somehow managing to keep a hold of all the various bibelots he kept littered on his desk.

“I’ll miss you hyung. Don’t succumb to the beatings! Don’t let Youngjae hyung enforce his weird punishment kinks onto you!” Kunpimook says theatrically. Yugyeom snorts and Jackson lets out a booming laugh. Mark makes an affronted sound from across the cubicle.

When Jackson leaves, Kunpimook feels a strange curiousity settling into his stomach at the sight of Yugyeom sitting down on a desk which had never been occupied by anyone but Jackson.

He isn’t sure whether this feeling is positive or negative, not yet anyway, but he intends to find out.

 

 

 

 

**~YOU HAVE LOGGED INTO GOT4~**

 

**wild-and-sexy:** if youngjae hits me one (1) more time i s2g

**doubleb:** lmAO

**mork:** who the feck changed my name

**wild-and-sexy:** his name rhymes with gotmeshook jackson’ssocool

**mork:** jackson wtf was that

**mork:** and bambam wtf

**mork:** change it back

**doubleb:** change it urself

**doubleb:** u call urself a hacker ???

**mork: -___-**

**doubleb:** nice imitation of youngjae lol

**coco’sdad:** shut up bambam !!

**wild-and-sexy:** don’t say that to my precious dongsaeng, u butcherer

**mork:** just change my name bambam ur the admin

**doubleb:** hehehe okay fine

**~mork’s name has been changed to ‘dudebrooo’~**

**~dudebrooo has left~**

**wild-and-sexy:** lmaoooo

**doubleb:** ayyyy

**coco’sdad:** jackson come on we have to work

**wild-and-sexy:** hey call me hyung i’m older than u by like a decade

**coco’sdad:** yeah I can tell from ur typing speed

**doubleb:** wow youngjae be roasting jackson on a high degree barbecue grill. looks like all that tender smacking of the meat paid off

**~wild-and-sexy has left~**

**coco’sdad:** haha lol bambam !!

**coco’sdad:** okay i gotta go bye :)))

**doubleb:** yeah hyung keep working hard like the champ u r

**coco’sdad:** haha

**~coco’sdad has left~**

 

“What’s that?”

“Fucking shitballs.” Kunpimook startles and turns to see Yugyeom looking at him with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

“Shitballs?” Yugyeom questions, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t scare me like that.” Kunpimook replies with a pointed finger.

Yugyeom laughs. “No, but seriously, what’s that?”

Kunpimook realises he’s talking about the chat and winces internally. They hadn’t yet talked about whether they would add Yugyeom onto their chat group but now seems like a good time as any to introduce it to him.

Kunpimook motions for Yugyeom to come closer. The boy looks hesitant for a second before he leans in, looking weirdly afraid, as if Kunpimook was going to tackle him or something.

(They usually left that to Jackson, so he didn’t have anything to worry about.)

“Okay, so we have this secret chat thing that me and Jackson created for…well for chatting since Jinyoung hyung and Jaebum hyung get so stingy about working all the time. It’s fun and top secret so don’t tell anyone.” Kunpimook puts a finger over his lips to emphasise the point.

Yugyeom nods with mock seriousness and then looks away from him, a light flush on his cheeks. “Do they _really_ not know? I mean Jaebum hyung and Jinyoung hyung.”

Kunpimook purses his lips. “Well…Jaebum hyung definitely doesn’t. But Jinyoung hyung might, I mean like, you can never really tell with that guy.”

Yugyeom laughs and nods in agreement. “I know what you mean. He’s crazy creepy.”

Kunpimook grins in response. “Hey, we’ll add you to the chat soon. We have a special initiation ceremony for it and all.”

Yugyeom tilts his head and Kunpimook is struck at once, by how attractive he is. It’s not that he hadn’t noticed it before (first impression had been an eloquent “hot damn”), but the sudden action has his hair shifting slightly into his eyes, and something about his gaze is, well, it’s fucking hot (“hot damn” indeed).

“What’s the initiation ceremony?” Yugyeom asks.

 

 

 

 

“No. There’s _no fucking way_ I’m drinking _that_.” Yugyeom’s complexion has paled in what appeared to be fear.

Mark laughs and it sounds like cat claws scratching down a blackboard. “Oh, you’re so young. You think you have a choice.”

Youngjae sniffs the cup and his face blanches. “Um, at least it’s only a cup?”

The concoction in question is a farrago of four ingredients, each coming from the current, er, members, so to speak, of GOT4. Mark had contributed fish sauce, Jackson hot sauce (“Because I’m hot stuff! And saucy!”), Kunpimook mustard and Youngjae cucumbers.

Jackson wraps an arm around Yugyeom’s shoulders. “Think of it like this. After this, you will be a true member of the office! A comrade until the day we all die!”

Mark snorts. “Think of it like this. Even Jackson was able to drink it.”

“Yeah,” Kunpimook adds, “After an hour of complaining…”

Youngjae laughs as Jackson sputters angrily. “Ya, BamBam, you can’t say anything. Mr. I’m-suddenly-allergic-to-chilli.”

“Hey!” Kunpimook retorts indignantly, “I shouldn’t even have had to drink it! I created the goddamn chat in the first place!”

“We – we did it _together_.” Jackson looks crestfallen and Youngjae quickly pats his back consolingly. Kunpimook sticks his tongue out childishly.

Yugyeom sighs and picks up the drink, looking resigned but determined; a combination which Kunpimook hadn’t seen since his college days.

“Okay. If I die, all my belongings get burned and placed in an urn which gets buried with me.” Yugyeom says solemnly.

Kunpimook resists the urge to smile. He fails.

“I got you bro. Don’t worry.” He says and Yugyeom’s eyes glint with mirth at the obvious sound of laughter in his voice.

“Go on, down the hatch.” Jackson urges.

“Down the hatch.” Yugyeom repeatsand then, without flair, he drinks it; a single, long, painful drink which has him shuddering, his face pulled into an involuntary rictus.

“Oh fuck, what the fuck,” Yugyeom intones in a pained voice.

Youngjae stands uncertainly with a trashcan in his hands. “You need to puke?”

“No.” Yugyeom groans.

“You sure? It’s fine to puke, I puked when I drank it. No one cares if you –”

“Just stop saying the word puke please.” Yugyeom says quickly and Youngjae mouth snaps shut.

“Sorry.” He mumbles.

Mark sighs, looking slightly bored by the sight of a dying Yugyeom. “Well, this has been fun but I’m going to go eat lunch now. Congratulations, dude.”

Yugyeom winces at the pat on his back but stands up straight and nods his thanks, though the smile appears a bit forced.

Youngjae makes his escape quickly after that, mumbling something about wanting to finish his rice before lunch time ended.

Jackson suddenly stood straight and clapped his hands. “Well, my beloved maknaes, my pure dongsaengs…”

“What?” Kunpimook squints suspiciously.

“Get my blender spotless.” Jackson grins, though there are too many teeth in the smile for it to be anything but threatening. He exits, walking with purposeful swagger.

He just looks like a gorilla.

“Well, Yugyeom, you are the Maknae. Have fun.” Kunpimook says cheerfully but Yugyeom frowns and grabs him by the shoulders.

“What the heck, dude?” Yugyeom says, “You can’t leave me. We’re desk brothers.”

Kunpimook opens his mouth and closes it. “Desk brothers?”

Yugyeom nods seriously. “You are under a sworn oath to stick by my side till the day we part or are fired. Most likely the latter, considering you and Jackson but still. You have to stay and help.”

Kunpimook stares at him for a second before he bursts out laughing. Yugyeom tries to contain his laughter but fails and joins him.

“Oh man, you are so full of bullshit,” Kunpimook grins, “And for that, I’ll stay.”

“Good.” Yugyeom says, leaning in and squeezing his shoulder in thanks.

 


	2. A Super Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BamBam definitely doesn't ask Yugyeom out on a date. Nope.

 

**~YOU HAVE LOGGED INTO GOT5~**

 

**brownie:** r u fukin srs

**doubleb:** heehee

**wild-and-sexy:** you should have thought about the consequences of showing us your chris brown shrine

**brownie:** it’s not a shrine!

**wild-and-sexy:** totally a shrine

**doubleb:** literally. if you look in a dictionary for the definition of a shrine, all that shows up is a picture of yg’s chris brown shrine. no other explanation required.

**brownie:** i sit next to u bambam

**doubleb:** so

**doubleb:** update: he just hit me. right in the spleen. please call an ambulance. i have kids. i have a beautiful russian wife. i can’t just dieee

**brownie:** change my nameeee

**markipoo:** it’s a lost cause, gyeomie

**coco’sdad:** hAhAhAhAhAhA

**wild-and-sexy:** ouch. i can literally hear ur laugh through the text.

**wild-and-sexy:** update: i just got fucking smacked. i miss u bambam

**doubleb:** miss u too hyung

**brownie:** hey

**doubleb:** oops soz

**markipoo:** at least u guys don’t have to deal with mamabear jinyoung

**markipoo:** he’s always trying to look over

**markipoo:** i’ve gotten real good at the whole alt-tab thing.

**doubleb:** lmaooo

 

 

 

 

Yugyeom has been Kunpimook’s desk buddy for two weeks now and well, it’s not going horrifically bad. In fact, it’s going pretty good. Really good. Okay, excellently.

Him and Yugyeom become friends surprisingly quickly. The initial awkwardness disappears after they find out their shared appreciation for girl group dances and annoying the hyungs.

More than that, there’s just something about the two of them which really seems to fit. It’s different from Jackson. Jackson and Kunpimook are super close. In fact, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that Jackson is one of Kunpimook’s closest friends in Korea, but their personalities are too similar. They’re both stubborn and loud and as likely to laugh as they are to burst into anger. They’re like sparks; together they burn brightly and vividly, but when they rub off against each other too much (hee hee), the friction sets them off.

Yugyeom is like a slow fire. He’s patient and doesn’t get annoyed by Kunpimook’s spiels, calmly logical whenever Kunpimook freaks out and most importantly perhaps, has the ability to be just as immature as Kunpimook, though admittedly he hides it better. They complement each other; Kunpimook’s loud gesticulations with Yugyeom’s quiet gestures, Kunpimook’s longwinded jokes with Yugyeom’s sharp remarks.

Jinyoung comments on their partnership, saying that it looks like Kunpimook’s finally met his other half and Kunpimook would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a warm flush in his chest when he met Yugyeom’s shy but playful gaze.

It takes him some time before he recognises the flush for what it is; a crush.

 

 

 

 

“Fuck.” Kunpimook is in his apartment. Jackson is over; sprawled across Kunpimook’s sofa with a hand placed in the popcorn bowl Kunpimook had made for their usual Movie Night (it’s a thing).

Jackson fakes a gasp. “Why the profanity? I can actually feel Jinyoung’s disappointing gaze.”

Kunpimook laughs and then stops. “Hyung, this is serious.”

“What exactly is ‘this’?” Jackson shoves a hand full of popcorn into his mouth, his eyes fixed on the television.

“I,” Kunpimook has to look away from Jackson to the television, “I think I have a crush on Yugyeom.”

Jackson lets out a contemplative “hmmm”.

“Dude,” Kunpimook feels slightly affronted, “Why aren’t you freaking out?”

Jackson turns to look at him. “Look, bro, I love you, but you kind of get crushes on everyone. Remember the thing you had for Jaebum?”

Kunpimook reaches over to clamp a hand over Jackson’s mouth. “We do not speak of that in this household!”

Jackson licks his hand. Kunpimook quickly withdraws his hand and smacks the boy. 

“Dude, stop licking me. It’s gross. And this is serious.” Kunpimook whines.

Jackson sits up and pouts. “But you taste like caramel.”

Kunpimook facepalms. “Jackson hyung, what the fuck, please. I don’t want to have to resort to asking Jinyoung for advice.”

Jackson just laughs at that.

 

 

 

 

**~YOU HAVE LOGGED INTO GOT5~**

 

**markipoo:** i cannot take jinyoung’s shit anymore

**doubleb:** SPILL

**markipoo:** -__- i’ve never felt more motivation to seal the lid

**doubleb:** :( hyunnnng

**brownie:** oh just spill hyung we know u wanna

**markipoo:** ok first of all, u absolute kid

**doubleb:** oh no abort abort

**wild-and-sexy:** i’m out

**coco’sdad:** 2 out

**brownie:** three out!

**doubleb:** furr out

**coco’sdad:** #confirmedfurry

**doubleb:** everyone knows ur the one with the furry porn

**markipoo:** fuck y’all i’ll take jinyoung any day

**~brownie has left~**

**~markipoo has left~**

**~wild-and-sexy has left~**

**~coco’sdad has left~**

**~doubleb has left~**

 

 

 

 

“Well, you’ve just got a shitty taste in movies.” Youngjae grumbles, leaning backwards.

Kunpimook gasps, “You can’t say anything; do you even know anything outside of trashy romantic comedies? Oh wait! How could I possibly forget about your large collection of furry porn?”

Youngjae sputters indignantly. Mark leans over and very quietly steals a small sushi piece from Youngjae’s plate.

“Shut up BamBam! Jackson hyung downloaded that and you know it!” Youngjae rambles.

“Hey BamBam, you like _Fight Club_. You can’t say anything.” Jinyoung swoops in, taking a calm drink from his thermos.

Yugyeom turns to look at him with a weirded out expression. Kunpimook rolls his eyes.                                                                                                                             

“I said it has great ironic value. That isn’t the same as liking it.” He defends himself. Yugyeom looks slightly more relieved at that and leans back.

“Yeah, yeah. What about _The Pirate Movie_? _Dawn Patrol_?” Jinyoung retorts, intertwining his fingers together and resting them on the table, a condescending expression on his face.

Kunpimook grimaces. “Those are quality movies. Also, why are you all picking on me?”

Jaebum sighs at that, speaking up for the first time since they began this lunch time group therapy session. “Leave him alone, Jinyoung.”

“Yeah Jinyoung,” Kunpimook says before shrinking under the older boy’s domineering glare, “Jinyoung hyung, I mean.”

“Hey, Jackson hyung, you okay? You’re quieter than usual. I mean, my ears are barely ringing.” Yugyeom comments almost snarkily, gazing curiously at the quiet boy.

Kunpimook leans into Yugyeom. “Don’t worry; it’s Girl Trouble.”

“Girl Trouble?” Yugyeom leans in as well, expression a mixture of confusion and surprise.

“Yeah, Jackson hyung’s girlfriend Yerin, she got mad at him because he –”

“Jackson hyung’s straight?” Yugyeom blurts out, his head whipping back. Kunpimook immediately winces, going backwards into Jaebum’s shoulder. Their formidable leader nudges him straight with an irritated huff.

“Hey!” Jackson speaks up, “What’s with the surprise?”

Yugyeom laughs helplessly, looking around at all of them. “I mean, I just, like, the _dick jokes_?!?”                                                                                     

Everyone simultaneously bursts into laughter (save for Jackson, who huffs and puffs), and it’s the ugliest sound Kunpimook’s ever heard: a mixture of his cackle with Jinyoung’s patronising chuckle, Jaebum’s booming laugh, Youngjae’s obnoxious giggling and Mark’s persistent snickering. A true cacophony. Too bad he’s too busy LMAO-ing (oh yes, he went there) to care.

He doesn’t realise he’s fallen back into Yugyeom’s shoulder until he feels a gentle hand pull him straight. Yugyeom’s lips twitch with laughter and he has this incredibly soft look on his face that makes Kunpimook’s breath hitch slightly and he ends up, ever so gracefully, coughing into his fist. Yugyeom startles at that, patting his back too firmly, and for some reason Kunpimook finds that even funnier and the laughter begins again.

It takes a few minutes before they all calm down, and after Jackson’s red-faced explanation that “he likes whoever he likes”, the members begin to disperse. Jinyoung shakes his head as he walks into the kitchen with Mark in tow. Jaebum goes to Jackson, probably to console his bruised ego like the Caring Leader Persona he occasionally emulates. Youngjae stays, laughing to himself every few seconds.

Yugyeom turns to him, at some point, Kunpimook can’t really tell. And with all the seriousness of a priest, goes:

“Hey, what is _The Pirate Movie_?”

Youngjae lets out a small “Dear Lord” and scrambles up, quickly walking away, aware of the hellstorm about to begin.

Kunpimook finds himself gasping like a fish. His mouth opens and closes in an attempt to get some words out, anything, but all he can do is gape. Yugyeom taps his chin pointedly, fingers pushing Kunpimook’s chin to close.

“Okay, stop with the dramatics. It doesn’t suit you.” Yugyeom looks slightly annoyed which further dismays Kunpimook because what reason does he have to be annoyed when Kunpimook is the one obviously distressed.

“First of all, I wouldn’t be Kunpimook Bhuwakul if I didn’t engage in such dramatics on a daily basis,” Kunpimook watches Yugyeom’s lips twitch in a reluctant smile at that, “And secondly, _you absolute dunderfuck_ , how have you not watched _The Pirate Movie_?”

“Where the hell do you get these insults?” Yugyeom chooses to reply and Kunpimook rolls his eyes.

“You’re coming to Movie Night this Friday.” Kunpimook declares.

“What? Why? I might have plans for Friday!” Yugyeom protests.

“Yugyeom, Yugyeom, my dear son,” Kunpimook leans into Yugyeom’s space, clutching his head in a paternal fashion (really, he’s just copying what Jaebum does to Youngjae) and stroking his hair, “This is a matter of education. You can, nay, you _must,_ sacrifice a night for this.”

“If you get your hands off me and promise never to do that again, I’ll do ten movie nights.” Yugyeom replies.

 

 

 

 

It is only later, two days later in fact, that Kunpimook realises that he may have inadvertently asked Yugyeom out on a date. The realisation has him pausing mid-explanation to Jinyoung on why the computer bug on his computer isn’t actually a computer bug and he gazes wide-eyed at the screen as horror envelops him in an embrace similar to his creepy aunt’s.

Fuck, no. Yugyeom wouldn’t have interpreted it like that, right? It’s not as if he’d used the word date. They were just hanging out. Chilling. Like bros. But what if Yugyeom thought…differently?

“Oh fuck. Oh man, oh god, fuck.” Kunpimook drawls out.

Jinyoung looks at him with widened eyes. “What? I was right, wasn’t I? It’s a bug!”

Mark looks over with curiousity. His eyes take in Kunpimook’s blank gaze and Jinyoung’s surprise and he snorts.

“It’s not a bug, hyung.” Kunpimook says distractedly.

“Oh thank God.” Jinyoung says before his eyes focus in, eerily quickly, on Kunpimook. “What’s the matter then?”

“I just forgot,” Kunpimook’s mind scrambles for an answer, “To call my mum yesterday and now she’s going to kill me.”

“Wow, you’re a real jerk.” Jinyoung’s eyes are narrowed but he seems to accept the excuse, though his gaze remains fixed on Kunpimook’s face, as if looking for any clues that might lead to some sort of conclusion. Jinyoung really needs to stop with the Agatha Christie novels, Kunpimook thinks dazedly as he goes backs to his seat. He sits for a few quiet moments before looking to his right.

“Hey, Yugyeom?” He turns to the boy quietly.

Yugyeom looks up, a pen in his mouth. It’s ridiculously attractive, what the fuck.

“Hhnggh?” Yugyeom lets out. 

“We’re, uh, still on for Movie Night, right, bro?” He emphasises “bro”, though he’s not sure why.

“Yeaah?” Yugyeom drawls out, “I’m actually pretty excited. Jackson hyung says you guys have the wildest times.”

Jackson. Oh gosh, Jackson. Oh yes, Jackson. How could Kunpimook forget about the presence of his beloved partner in crime? His blood brother? Suddenly everything seems to clear and –

 

 

 

 

“What.” Kunpimook is so distraught that he can’t even pitch his voice high enough to sound out the question mark. 

“I told Yerin I’d hang with her, bro. Didn’t I already tell you this?” Jackson and him are walking back home. They have around three minutes before their paths diverge to their respective homes.

“Dude. Yugyeom’s coming.” Kunpimook says.                                         

“Coming? Is that what you guys will be doing?” Jackson smirks.

Kunpimook huffs, “Okay, good one, I concede. But, dude! This is serious. I can’t be alone with Yugyeom.”

Jackson raises an eyebrow in genuine confusion. “You guys hang out a lot though? I mean. You’ve barely spent any time with me since Yugyeom became your desk buddy.”

There’s only a slight bitterness in Jackson’s tone but Kunpimook pats his shoulder anyway. “You know I love you the most, hyung.”

“This is different though. It’s just going to be the two of us.” He continues.

Jackson stops. Kunpimook stops as well.

“I don’t get it.” Jackson admits.

“What?” Kunpimook asks.

“I just – why are you so nervous? Yugyeom’s a nice guy. He’s not intimidating like Jaebum is and he’s not likely to make fun of you as Mark would. I don’t get why you’re being so apprehensive. It’s not like you.” Jackson says, coming to an abrupt stop as he stares pointedly at Kunpimook.

Kunpimook isn’t sure what to say. If he’s being perfectly honest, he doesn’t know why exactly he’s so nervous about this. He knows it’s not like him, he’s usually so quick with relationships that this hesitance makes him wonder how deep his feelings are for Yugyeom. But, then, any attempt to decipher the mess in his heart and head leaves him with nothing but more confusion.

He tries to articulate this to Jackson, but ends up just looking kind of constipated. But Jackson, bless his soul, seems to understand at least some of it and pats his arm consolingly.

“Don’t stress out Bam. It’ll be fine.”

 

 

 

 

**~YOU HAVE LOGGED INTO GOT5~**

 

**doubleb:** so which one of you savvy motherfucking bastards would like to join me and yg for his re-education on friday night? there is the promise of chicks (pictures of chickens) and endless beer! also popcorn.

**markipoo:** wow i almost said yes but then u used the word ‘savvy’

**doubleb:** oh gosh yes sorry about that. correction: savvy motherfucking bastards and markipooo

**markipoo:** yeah i’m not going

**markipoo:** not just because of that foolhardiness but also because

**markipoo:** i have plans with an actual chick

**doubleb:** jackson hyung i thought we were getting him the girl for his birthday. did u accidentally send the prostitution center thing some dough early

**markipoo:** don’t be jealous bam. green’s not a good colour on u.

**wild-and-sexy:** i don’t know whose side to pick. on one hand, i have my dongsaeng no. 1. on the other hand, i have my beloved markipoo.

**markipoo:** jackson. pls. stop. i’ll even give u back ur fencing stick

**wild-and-sexy:** well okay dUDE

**wild-and-sexy:** that is a limited edition miniature foil

**wild-and-sexy:** it’s goddamn cool

**doubleb:** jackson, bro,

**doubleb:** nothing miniature is ever cool

**brownie:** yeah i agree

**wild-and-sexy:** shut up yugyeom u have a chris brown shrine

**brownie:** nO I DON’T

**doubleb:** okay whatever back to the topic!!!

**doubleb:** mark is a no, jackson a no. u ladies’ men.

**doubleb:** what about u youngjae, my sweet sunshiny babe?

**coco’sdad:** uhh

**coco’sdad:** i think I’m freerheuNEB

**coco’sdad:** dhdeurnunuerneunreu

**doubleb:** oh god he’s having a seizure

**markipoo:** more like he’s breakdancing on the keyboard

**doubleb:** yeah it can be hard to distinguish from his usual bullshit

**brownie:** pffft. i think this is the first time i’ve seen the both of u cooperate

**doubleb:** yeah well we put aside our own differences to put down other people

**markipoo:** one of my healthier relationships, surprisingly.

**markipoo:** also one of my longest.

**doubleb:** almost our seventh anniversary, boo <3

**markipoo:** and yet another moment ruined

**coco’sdad:** After some reflection and crosschecking my calendar, I have realised that I have a vet appointment with Coco on that very day, at that very time, which means I will unfortunately be unable to attend this little soiree.

**brownie:** wtf

**doubleb:** whaaaat dude i didn’t even give a time ?

**markipoo:** what why r u lying

**coco’sdad:** I have frankly no idea why you would voice such a ridiculous accusation? I am not lying.

**markipoo:** literally everyone in this goddamn building knows u get all formal when ur lying

**markipoo:** even baekhyun does dude. like what the fuck. who ya think ur fooling???

**coco’sdad:** I still do not have a single idea about what rubbish you are spouting. Perhaps check in with a doctor? Jinyoung should be able to refer you to some of his psychiatrist acquaintances. I have to go and do work now. Arrivederci, friends.

 

**~coco’sdad has left~**

**doubleb:** oh my god wait

**doubleb:** jackson u did this didn’t u

**~wild-and-sexy has left~**

**doubleb:** u jerkass

**~wild-and-sexy’s name has been changed to ‘dickbag’~**

**brownie:** wait why’s he a dickbag

**~doubleb has left~**

**markipoo:** oh

**markipoo:** i think i’m beginning to see

**~markipoo has left~**

**brownie:** see what ?!?!?

**brownie:** guYS

 

 

 

 

Kunpimook waits, tapping his fingers rhythmically, as he sneaks glances at Jinyoung from the corner of his eye. He puts up the pretense of working, and does it well enough that Yugyeom doesn’t seem to notice anything amiss. Then again, Yugyeom hasn’t been here long enough to distinguish between Kunpimook working and not working, both personas carefully meticulously constructed so as to effectively avoid Jinyoung’s suspicion.

The clock ticks to 14:36 and Jinyoung gets up with a sigh. Kunpimook nearly dashes to his feet, but manages at the last moment, to make it look like he was just coincidentally getting up at the same time.

Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows but walks to the kitchen without a word. Kunpimook follows.

Once they are both in the kitchen, Jinyoung whirls around with a thoughtful expression.

“Okay, what is it? You’ve been staring at me for the entire day. You suddenly attracted to me or something?” Jinyoung questions immediately.

Kunpimook can’t help the snort that escapes him, “Oh yes, I have fallen for you. I am but a gentle virgin maiden in your hands, wanting protection from those muscular, juicy, thick arms. Oh, do take me in, my lovely knight.”

Jinyoung crosses his arms and waits with furrowed eyebrows.

“Are you free Friday night?” Kunpimook decides to just be outright. 

Jinyoung’s eyebrows nearly vanish into his hairline. “You… don’t really like me, do you?”

Kunpimook shakes his head vigorously. “No, ew!!! Hyung!!!”

Jinyoung breathes out, “Oh, thank god.”

“I was asking because Yugyeom and I were going to have a movie night and I was wondering if you would like to delight us with your presence.” He attempts to be slightly more flattering, and even bats his eyelashes.

“Um, no thanks. I’d rather not be the third wheel.” Jinyoung shrugs.

“Third wheel? What are you talking about?” Kunpimook laughs awkwardly, “You wouldn’t be the third wheel! I would be, if anyone would be, since you two know each other from before entering this hellhole.”

Jinyoung tilts his head in a slightly maternal manner, conveying pure disappointment through a simple expression. It’s frighteningly similar to Kunpimook’s mother and an apology in Thai nearly slips out of his tongue; a sort of automatic reflex developed from years of getting into trouble.

“You think I don’t know about your crush?” Jinyoung says; it’s the first vocalisation of what Kunpimook feels (aside from Jackson, of course) and he finds himself torn between shoving his hand over Jinyoung’s mouth and screaming, so he kind of does both.

“Stop that. What the fuck, BamBam?” Jinyoung pushes him backwards.

“Don’t say that!” Kunpimook whisper-shouts self-consciously.

“What? Fuck? I hardly think you can reprimand me on my profanity when you –”

“No! No! I mean, you know,” Kunpimook pauses awkwardly, shuffling his feet, “The bit about the, er, crush.”

Jinyoung looks delighted. “Oh my god, what has my silly little Yugyeom done to the bold BamBam?”

Kunpimook’s face forms an involuntary rictus. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Can’t help it. One of my coworkers has been influencing me.” Jinyoung retorts without a pause.

“Well, geez,” Kunpimook rolls his eyes in mock irritation, “Maybe spend less time with Jackson?”

Jinyoung snorts into laughter (subject = avoided). It’s kind of gruesome (snorting to laughter is not exactly attractive) to look at but Kunpimook can’t help the smile that takes over his face, even as his heart thumps awkwardly as his brain repeats a single word, a single word which very effectively summarises his current emotions:

_FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK_

 

 

 

 

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Kunpimook knocks.

“Come in.” Jaebum looks surprised, though not pleasantly so, at Kunpimook’s entrance.

“Hey, it’s my favourite hyung!” Kunpimook does finger guns at the Big Man.

“Close the door.” Jaebum closes his eyes, as if mentally preparing himself. He’s probably balancing his chakras, if the emails from _chakrahealingteam_ that he forwarded to the office regularly were anything to go by

“What do you want?” Jaebum gets to the point. Pure diplomacy.

“I’m offended, hyung.” Kunpimook says, and the mock hurt in his voice seems to pull at something within Jaebum, because he lightens up a bit. 

“I’m kind of busy this week, and all weeks really, so please, for the sake of all things holy, just get on with it.” He replies, not unkindly.

“Okay. Uh, this Friday, me and Yugyeom are having a movie night, a kind of re-education for Yugyeom since he doesn’t even know the cinematic masterpieces of the world, the true, er, legends. And I was wondering, if, uh, you would like to join us?” Kunpimook doesn’t usually stammer, but Jaebum’s eyebags look kind of heavy and he’s starting to feel a bit bad for disturbing the dude when he’s obviously stressed out.

Jaebum gazes at him for a long quiet moment. “Re-education? Is that some sort of slang for sex? Are you asking me if I want to be in a threesome?”

Kunpimook’s eyebrows furrow and then his mouth falls open. All that comes out is this wheezing sort of sound. The windows of his brain slam shut and the curtains get drawn with the franticness of a girl spotting her ex-lover walking their dog down the street. He turns tail and runs out of the room, practically breaking the door. Everyone looks up at the commotion but Kunpimook runs to the freaking bathroom like a pack mule.

He needs some time to himself to systematically erase every trace of that encounter. And perhaps, get a ticket back to Thailand.

 

 

 

 

Despite Kunpimook’s best attempts to recruit more people into their movie night, everyone he calls a friend (and even some who he would call acquaintance) seem to already have plans. Baekhyun’s got his freaking gardening club, Jungkook’s going bowling with Jimin, Yoongi has to take his dog to the vet, Taehyung’s, well, he’s Taehyung which right now means not in a state to do much but take drugs, and Jaehyun has a “smoking hot date which even the promise of popcorn won’t keep me away from”.

Something smells fishy, and by fishy, he means something smells like Jackson Wang Interfering in Other People’s Goddamn Business Despite Purporting To Be On BamBam’s Side.                                                                                                                           

And like that, the day comes.

Yugyeom looks very at ease, which kind of calms Kunpimook down. And it doesn’t make sense, he rationalises as he codes, it’s not like there’s really anything to be afraid of. This small nervousness has manifested into massive anxiety simply because he had allowed it to. There is nothing to stress about. It’s just a normal night, just like any night with Jackson, just like any night with Youngjae or literally any one of his friends.

But no, he knows it’s different. It’s not the same, and he doesn’t know why beyond that he has childish feelings for Yugyeom. He’d had a crush on Jaebum for a bit (a part of his Dark Past), and never felt this weird, never felt this apprehensive. So, what exactly made this encounter so much more difficult? What was making his stomach turn in a way that it hadn’t since the good old days of college?

And, most importantly, how could he stop it?  


 

 

 

“So, this is my home-sweet-home, I guess.” Kunpimook waves his left arm as if to say ‘voila’. Yugyeom looks around, his dark eyes taking in everything slowly. Kunpimook finds himself looking around with him, trying to view it from a newcomer’s eyes.

He’s quite proud of how he’s arranged his apartment. It isn’t really that big but his placement of furniture (no Feng Shui involved, much to Jaebum’s chagrin) gives it a sleek, furnished look. His colour coordination is impeccable; warm oranges and deep browns that, when in the late afternoon the sun decides to shine through the windows, gives the apartment the most magically comforting look. There isn’t a lot of decoration, aside from some pictures with the Office Folks, some of his College Friends, his Family and His Adulthood Friends.

“It’s not what I expected.” Yugyeom finally breaks the silence, his voice soft.

“Well, what did you expect?” Kunpimook asks curiously as he closes the door behind him, locking it mindlessly. He gestures to the dining table for Yugyeom to put down his office bag.

Yugyeom scrunches his nose, “Honestly, something like a, er, playboy mansion?”

Kunpimook laughs at that, too dumbfounded to take note of how his hands are shaking slightly from nervousness.

“I really need to work on my image, huh.” He snorts.

Yugyeom laughs along and then shakes his head. “This is nice though. It’s very cozy looking.”

Kunpimook smiles sincerely. “Thanks. I like my crib to be as welcoming as possible. For all those ladies.”

Yugyeom snorts this time. “Oh yeah, definitely. All those non-existent ladies.”

“Hey, don’t insult my imaginary girlfriends! They’re cooler than you.” Kunpimook wags a finger at the boy.

“Hey BamBam, ever thought of investing in something called a ‘life’? I’ve heard there’s a special discount if you start late enough. Something to do with the bankers feeling pity for poor souls such as yourself.” Yugyeom says sardonically.

“Oooh, well played.” Kunpimook rubs his hands together and for a moment, they both just grin at each other.

They continue to exchange in what Jackson would call ‘banter’ and Mark would call ‘foolhardiness’ as Kunpimook makes popcorn. The familiarity of his home and the ritualistic feel of making popcorn do wonders for Kunpimook’s nerves and he finds himself laughing along with Yugyeom, who lingers in the kitchen doorway.

As they make their way to the living room, Kunpimook admonishes himself.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. You worked this up into something that it obviously isn’t. You absolute buffoon._

Even worse is the realisation that while his nerves are appeased, his heart beats with slight disappointment, having expected something more sudden. More _push-me-against-the-wall-as-soon-as-the-door-closes-and-suck-my-face-like-a-vaccum._

Kunpimook pinches himself before the thought can go any further.

 

 

 

 

The night goes splendidly well. Yugyeom’s not too fond of _The Pirate Movie_ but he watches intently and laughs at all the right parts so it’s all good. Kunpimook finds himself continuously gazing at Yugyeom, partly to gauge his reaction at his favourite bits, and partly to shamelessly check him out. 

There haven’t been many opportunities in the office for him to properly inspect Yugyeom what with Jinyoung’s eagle eyes and Jackson’s vigorous eyebrow movements constantly at his peripheral vision. But, in the privacy of his home and in the dark of the living room, he finds himself reaffirming that Kim Yugyeom is indeed a really really attractive guy.

His eyelashes are wonderfully curled and his eyes seem to fucking sparkle. There’s a little freckle on the right side of his face, just underneath his eyes and Kunpimook really wants to touch it. His hair curls so nicely, his nose is straight, his lips are, oh God, they’re as kissable as lips can be.

Little details like these store into a folder in his mind called ‘KIM YUGYEOM: DON’T OPEN’. Kunpimook has to look away eventually, once he realises that he’s gone five minutes just staring at the other boy, cataloguing his features like a robot.

When Yugyeom leaves that night, all sleepy and smiley, Kunpimook finds himself tempted to just tear his heart out of his chest and shove it into the boy’s hands and go:

“Take it! It’s yours anyway! My heart, my life, my soul, you have stolen it all with your damn freckle!”

He blames it on _The Pirate Movie_ ; that movie turns him into a sap no matter how many times he’s watched it.

Instead, he says “See you on Monday, asshat.”

And Yugyeom laughs and waves goodbye, with a single finger.

 

 

 

 

**the best bro(hyung):**

 

It didn’t go that badly right

  
If you don’t reply by 1am, I’m coming over

 

Don’t be dramatic ffs

 

It was fine

 

Just fine ???

 

Dude. You’ve literally been hyped up for this for ages you gotta give me more than that

 

Shut up I wasn’t hyped

 

I was terrified

 

Cause you ditched me, remember, motherfucker

 

And alright

 

…it was really good

 

I like

 

Really like him

 

I’ve got it super bad hyung

 

What the fuck am I gonna do

 

You’re going to get him!!!

 

My boi (I went there) BamBam be getting some dick !!!!

 

…..

 

I’m going to bed

 

It’s too late to deal with dick references

 

Never too late

 

But Fair

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it. Let me know of your thoughts/feedback/what you want to see.


	3. Shenanigans Continue

“Jinyoung hyung, what the heck are you wearing?” Kunpimook can’t bother to hide the bewilderment in his voice.

Jinyoung grins, “It’s pretty stylish, right?”

Kunpimook tilts his head, taking in the bright purple trousers. “I suppose they were, at one point in history.”

He leans back in the elevator. “Maybe the 14th century? I’m sure that was famous attire for the jesters. You’ve really got some vintage vibes going on right now, hyung.”

Jinyoung smacks him and Kunpimook takes it like a man, which means he squeals out in pain, much like a tormented, pregnant pig.

“You come into my elevator. You insult my fashion.” Jinyoung says.

“Okay first of all, dickwad, this isn’t your elevator –”

Kunpimook is cut off by another smack. Perhaps, ‘dickwad’ wasn’t the best moniker to use.

Jinyoung and Kunpimook enter the office; Jinyoung looking ridiculous in his clown clothing and Kunpimook wondering whether he needs to fix up his health insurance (those blows were on Youngjae’s goddamn level in Brutality).

Mark has already arrived, as per usual. The eldest is the first to come and the first to leave. It’s kind of his Thing or something. Youngjae is surprisingly early (he’s usually always late and even has a google doc with Jackson, fellow latecomer, where they store Generic Excuses), huddling over his computer with a large coffee in his hand. He’s not an avid coffee drinker so it’s surprising (and yeah, okay, concerning).

“What, watched too much vore yesterday night?” Kunpimook gripes, eyes taking in the dark eyebags on the older boy’s face.

Youngjae’s eyes widen before transforming into a disgusted squint. “Dude, what the fuck?”

Jinyoung smacks the boy’s head. “No swearing, Youngjae.”

Youngjae’s jaw falls open. “What, and he can talk about porn?! How the f- how the heck does that work?”

“I’ve never heard of whatever that ‘vore’ thing is. So, yeah, doesn’t count.” Jinyoung shrugs before going off to greet Mark.

“You’re a real asshole, BamBam.” Youngjae says when Jinyoung is out of earshot.

Kunpimook gives him a big old smacker on the cheek. “Love you Youngjae hyung!”

Youngjae grumbles something about sexual harassment as he swats Kunpimook away.

There are many things about Kunpimook’s life that act as small mercies for having to deal with people like Mark Tuan (Tuan Mark sounds weird, the Korean language be damned) and Park Jinyoung, and one of the top things in that list is the immense comfort of his desk chair. He’d bought it a long time back, from when he’d first joined Tech Support Unit (Number 3) in JYP. He’d thought he was being real savvy, joining JYP, which was at the epicenter of Seoul.

(Had he known that he would be forced to relocate to the outskirts of Seoul, he may have dressed up as a girl to join T.W.I.C.E. or Tech Support Unit (Number 2) who were still in Seoul, going to all the nightclubs which Kunpimook had longed to become the king of.)

But anyway, there weren’t many things as deeply satisfying as sinking into the soft leather of his desk chair in the early morning. He lets out an exaggerated moan as he leans back, letting out a deep breath.

“Must you do that every time?” Mark rolls his eyes.

“Must you continue to be the residential grouch?” Kunpimook retorts, his eyes closed.

“Someone’s gotta make up for the pathetic enthusiasm you and Jackson bring into this workplace.” Mark says distractedly.

“Too bad it’s the wrong enthusiasm.” Jinyoung adds. He and Mark snicker at that.

“Wow, you guys are like, spitting fire. Oh my god, how can I ever overcome such an insult? I might as well just quit now and move to Malta and spend the rest of my days in a cave contemplating over what exactly _the right type of enthusiasm is_ , never actually finding solace –”

“This early, BamBam?” Yugyeom greets as he places his bag down and sits down. Kunpimook hadn’t even noticed him arriving and startles a little, his cheeks reddening slightly; a fact which of course doesn’t go unnoticed by either of his Malicious Co-workers.

“Okay first of all, don’t interrupt me,” Kunpimook says, “And secondly, time is a construct so what does it even matter?”

Yugyeom just smiles (almost fondly, though Kunpimook may be fooling himself and it might just be well disguised irritation) as he shakes his head.

“Yugyeom-ah, you didn’t return your mother’s call from Saturday?” Jinyoung swoops in with righteous indignation.

Okay, yeah, now that is undisguised irritation right there.

 

 

 

 

“I’m just saying, maybe if you’d been more romantic, she may have had sex with you?” Kunpimook mutters to Jackson, as they both stand in front of the vending machine outside their office.

“Yerin isn’t into romantic things.” Jackson replies, head thrown back against the wall in a dramatic fashion.

Kunpimook furrows his eyebrows as he tries to decide between strawberry and banana milk.

“Everyone’s into romantic things. _Especially_ people who say they aren’t into romantic things,” Kunpimook says, “Strawberry or Banana?”

Jackson has a thoughtful expression on his face, “That...actually doesn’t reek of bullshit. You been reading Baekhyun’s philosophical novels?”

“No.” Kunpimook lies, thinking of the copy of _La Nausée_ he’d borrowed last week. His fingers hover between strawberry and banana.

Jackson rolls his eyes disbelievingly at that. “Whatever. I’ll buy her chocolate and roses.”

“Always a good idea.” Kunpimook grins. Jackson smiles back, running a hand through his hair. He then obnoxiously jabs the banana milk option.

“Was tired of seeing you be so goddamn picky.” He says as explanation when Kunpimook lets out a confused sound.

Kunpimook takes the banana milk and turns to the boy.

“Gay.” He says, pointing at the banana milk. Jackson’s eyes roll so hard they nearly disappear into his head.

“What’s gay?” A voice sounds and Kunpimook turns to see Jungkook and Jimin head over.

“Just Jackson’s general existence.” Kunpimook says.

Jimin laughs sweetly. Jungkook grins. Both of them are part of BTS, the stationary company that resides on the fourth floor. Kunpimook is pretty close to most of them, kind of a given considering their close ages and Seokjin and Jinyoung’s attempts at unifying the building.

Jimin is a pretty nice guy but can have a wickedly dry sense of humour. He has a weird obsession with hiking and is fond of all things knitting related. He and Jinyoung are regularly spotted gushing over “good quality wool” in a café near the office building. Both him and Youngjae are also obliviously part of a competition over who laughs the most (tallied monthly by Hoseok and Jackson).

Jungkook is kind of Jimin’s shadow; he seems to follow the boy around everywhere, almost always found a few steps behind. He’d been kind of shy and awkward for the first few months Kunpimook had known him but this had quickly transformed into a brutally savage and insanely competitive persona. Jungkook’s passions include a wide range of extreme sports and listening to indie artists on Soundcloud. Oh, and he loves bowling with the fiery passion of a thousand of Yoongi’s mixtapes.

“Dude, what the heck? I’m the one with the girlfriend.” Jackson whines.

“Oh yes, tell us all about how well it’s going with Yerin.” Jungkook mocks. Jimin laughs again and Kunpimook can’t help but join in.

Jackson rolls his eyes again (it’s getting a bit worrying how far back they can go).

“I’m your hyung. I expect more respect from you brats.” He reminds.

Jimin puts in coins in the vending machine. “I don’t think you should be expecting anything from Jungkook. The kid doesn’t even give his mother any respect, let alone commoners like us.”

Jungkook sputters, “That’s not true, hyung!”

Jimin just sticks out his tongue as he picks the strawberry milk option.

“That for Taehyung?” Kunpimook smirks knowingly.

Jimin laughs, a small flush in his cheeks. “Yeah. He’s had a bad day.”

Jungkook smirks. “He tried to prank Yoongi hyung and ended up getting kicked in the crotch. Like a dozen times. He’s still in the bathroom, two packs of ice on his dick, the idiot.”

“It wasn’t his fault entirely.” Jimin reprimands gently.

“He dressed up as a clown, knowing Yoongi hyung had that childhood trauma about clowns. Like hell it wasn’t his fault.” Jungkook has a funny look on his face that Kunpimook deliberately doesn’t look into.

Jimin stares at Jungkook almost sternly, “You know he hasn’t been in the best mindset recently.”

Jungkook sinks against the wall, next to Jackson. “If you say so.” He has a sulky expression on his face. Jackson pats his arm consolingly. He kind of does that a lot.

When Jungkook and Jimin leave, still bickering a bit over Taehyung, Kunpimook finds himself leaning into Jackson’s shoulder.

“Hey, hyung, at least we don’t have to deal with that love triangle bullshit.” Kunpimook says.

“Such a cliché trope.” Jackson sighs in agreement.

 

 

 

 

**~YOU HAVE LOGGED INTO GOT5~**

 

**mark: what is up, ya motherfuckers**

**twiddledee: o m g**

**twiddledee: u finally hacked it**

**mark: hell yeah i did**

**twiddledee: i’ll admit i’m impressed**

**mark: haha thanks**

**mark: the firewalls were pretty mindfucking tho**

**mark: i’ll give u that**

**twiddledee: wow is that an actual sincere compliment**

**twiddledee: awwww**

**twiddledee: did u see that**

**twiddledee: four ws**

**twiddledee: i’m puking rainbow love at u, my heart is going doki doki for u**

**mark: good job.**

**mark: moment: effectively ruined.**

**twiddledum: what theeee hecllllk**

**mark: did u spaz**

**twiddledum: what is my name**

**twiddledum: u suck hyung**

**twiddledee: i don’t mind mine. i AM all about the d(ee)**

**twiddledum: hahaHAHAHAHAH**

**mark: omf-**

**newkid: first: seriously bambam**

**newkid: second: seriously mark hyung**

**loud: uhm hyung !??!?! why am i LOUD???**

**mark: three guesses youngjae.**

**loud: :(**

**newkid: hey don’t ignore me !!**

**newkid: why am i newkid**

**mark: ffs**

**mark: three guesses yugyeom.**

**newkid: :(**

**mark: oh shiet it’s jinyoung**

**mark: gotta go**

 

**~mark has left~**

**twiddledee: personally i think youngjae’s name suits him**

**twiddledee: it’s Simple, But Very Accurate**

**loud: oh fuck off**

**twiddledee: and no one can say that yugyeom’s isn’t True**

**newkid: i sit next to u**

**twiddledee: so**

**twiddledee: ok i should have anticipated the hit this time**

**twiddledee: but i didn’t and OWWW THAT REALLY HURT IM GOING TO DIE**

**twiddledee: tell natasha i love her**

**twiddledee: and to not look under my bed**

**loud: you can’t see it but i just facepalmed**

**twiddledum: he actually didn’t. i’m sitting next to him. he didn’t facepalm at all.**

**loud: i facepalmed inSIDE MY HEAD OKAY JACKSON**

**twiddledum: and u wonder why ur called loud**

**newkid: am i the only one who is confused over who natasha is**

**twiddledum: bam’s russian wife**

**loud: *clears throat***

**twiddledum: sorry, bam’s imaginary russian wife**

**newkid: y’all are fucken weird**

**twiddledee: three words: chris brown shrine**

**~newkid has left~**

 

 

 

“Hey, so I have a bad announcement.” Jaebum says without flourish, totally ruining what could have been an amazingly dramatic moment.

“Your existence is a bad announcement.” Mark says quietly, so that only Kunpimook and Jinyoung can hear. They both snicker into their palms.

“What is it? Who died? Is it JYP? Oh god, he was so young.” Jackson pretends to swoon into Youngjae’s arms. Unfortunately, the trust exercise fails and Jackson goes ka-plow, onto the ground. For a moment, Jackson just lies there, looking like an Old Shocked Man but when Youngjae nudges him with a tentative foot, he sits up.

“Fucking hell Youngjae. You’re a bad friend.” Jackson says, rubbing his head.

Youngjae looks up, almost nervously. “None of you guys would have actually caught him.”

“I would have.” Kunpimook voices out.

“Yeah, same. I’m not an animal.” Jinyoung adds.

“He’s annoying but I wouldn’t want to physically harm him, too much.” Mark continues.

“He’s a cool guy.” Yugyeom shrugs.

Youngjae’s face progressively gets redder with each submission and by the end of it a guilty look has taken over his face.

“You guys –” He sputters, “You’re so – ugh!”

Jaebum puts his hands up. “Calm down, Youngjae. Just let me give the announcement.”

“Yeah, what happened? Besides, you know, the betrayal of someone who I thought was a friend.” Jackson asks, rubbing the back of his head with a half-hearted glare at Youngjae.

“Well, T.W.I.C.E., the tech unit, or Tech Support Unit 2, as they are often abbreviated – ”

“Yes, yes, the-pretty-girls-who-ignore-us unit, go on!” Jinyoung says.

“Well,” Jaebum pauses to glare at Jinyoung, “They’ve been swamped recently. And JYP suggested that we, you know, being the wonderful knights we are, help and ease some of the burden off their dainty shoulders –”

“Dainty? I’ve seen Momo lift more weights than BamBam!” Jackson butts in.

Kunpimook can’t really deny that. Momo is a _fucking beast_ when it comes to working out. He had had such a huge crush on her.

“So,” It’s Jackson’s turn to be glared at, “We’ll be helping them with customer support.”

There is a brief silence before –

“ _I’m not doing that_.” Mark enunciates carefully, his words filled with a deadly combination of denial and despair.

“Mark,” Jaebum begins.

“Mark hyung, you dipshit.” Mark retorts.

Jaebum’s face reddens at that. “No profanity in this office.”

Jackson laughs nervously, stepping in. “Let’s take a breather, huh?”

Mark crosses his arms and stares unflinchingly at Jaebum. “I’m not doing this.”

Jaebum rolls his eyes. “You seem to have forgotten; this is your job. You don’t have a _choice_.”

Mark’s eyes squint and he glares at Jaebum for a few moments before turning and stomping off to the kitchen.

Youngjae exhales loudly.

“Haha,” Jackson tries to lighten the situation, “Looks like we can pick up a few chicks by aweing them with our knowledge of wi-fi, huh?”

Jaebum turns around, walking straight to his office.

Jackson and Jinyoung exchange a look.

“I’ll talk to Mark.” Jackson says.

“I’ve got Jaebum.” Jinyoung replies with a sigh.

Both of them go, leaving an uncomfortable Youngjae, a perplexed Yugyeom and a curious Kunpimook.

“What the _hell_ was that about?” Yugyeom asks, breaking the silence with a vigorous shake of his head.

“Mark hyung… he kind of has a problem with customer service stuff.” Youngjae says.                                                                            

“You know, funnily enough, I managed to pick up on that.” Yugyeom comments sarcastically.

“Stop hanging out with BamBam.” Youngjae replies with a scoff.

“Mark hyung’s always had a weird aversion to customer support, now that I think about it.” Kunpimook comments distractedly.

He remembers Mark bribing an older manager into letting him off one of the customer service tasks _mandatory_ to interns. He remembers when Mark had conveniently flown to America during the customer service tests _obligatory_ for all those working at JYP. Moments which Kunpimook had dismissed now come to his mind, bright and blaring with a neon sign that literally paints out “SUSPICIOUS: INVESTIGATE FURTHER”.

“Wow, yeah, thanks for that helpful addition, BamBam.” Yugyeom continues.

Kunpimook frowns, forced out of his intense brainstorm. “You really do need to stop hanging out with me.”

 

 

 

 

It is only two days later that Kunpimook is able to corner Mark in the kitchen, his curiousity having turned him, essentially, into a stalker. Unfortunately, Mark doesn’t really get up a lot; only really moving to accept Jinyoung’s cups of coffee (he had the guy acting as his goddamn butler, practically) and the occasional bathroom break. Kunpimook had thought that it would be too fucking weird to interrogate him in the bathroom and so had been forced to wait until Mark moved.

And it had taken two days. For fuck’s sake, the man was practically a sloth.

“Hey Mark hyung,” Kunpimook slides in smoothly, “What the hell was with the outburst?”

Mark turns to him with a frown, his hands pausing in the mixing of instant coffee into his mug.

“Straight to the point, huh.” Mark huffs in annoyance.

Kunpimook grins cheekily. “I’ve never really been one for phatic utterances.”

“Oh yeah, I know,” Mark raises a left eyebrow, “You’re much more interested in phallic utterances.”

Kunpimook’s grin widens. “Touché, hyung, touché.”

Then, he drops the grin, “But don’t try to change the subject. What the hell happened?”

“Why are you so interested?” Mark asks, leaning back slightly, abandoning his half-mixed coffee.

(That is a terrible mistake, a small part of Kunpimook registers. Everyone knows not to leave instant coffee half-mixed. That’s essentially damning the coffee to a lumpy indefinite state of matter more indecisive than when Youngjae tries to decide between downloading gay or lesbian porn for his weekly wanking material. But, that is beside the point.)

“Of course, I’m interested. I’m Kunpimook Bhuwakul. My middle name is practically nosiness. In fact, if you searched my name up, Urban Dictionary would come up with “a nosy bastard too invested in the life and drama of other people around him”. Also, “handsome guy who gets all the girls.” though you already knew that.” Kunpimook says.

Mark rolls his eyes.

“Also,” Kunpimook leans back against a chair, “I was worried.”

Mark gasps in mock surprise. “BamBam, you care for someone other than yourself?”

Kunpimook huffs. “That’s what I get for being concerned? Anyway, of course I was. I’ve known you for six years and can count the number of times you’ve freaked out on one finger. Because it was once!”

“Yeah, you weren’t supposed to see that.” Mark flushes at the memory.   
  
“Well maybe you should have locked the door.” Kunpimook says, shuddering slightly at the sudden flashback: a 22 year old Kunpimook walking in on Mark engaging in passionate coitus, with the person who had been managing the interns back then, a man called Nichkhun who Kunpimook had practically idolised. Needless to say, it had been difficult to even look at Nichkhun after that, the continuous interruption of graphic images of Dick in Butt interfering with Kunpimook’s usually solid focus.

“But yeah.” Kunpimook says, “You’re worrying me. What is it with customer service? Do you have some awful traumatic experience that’s stopping you? A deeply suppressed issue? Some sort of childhood trauma?”

Mark shakes his head, sighing. “It’s not really that deep; I just don’t like it.”

Kunpimook crosses his arms. “No offence, but I hardly think you would have reacted so dramatically if it was mere dislike.”

“And also, I dug through my memories and can’t remember a single time you did customer service. Considering that there were more than 13 during our trainee years _that I can remember,_ it’s damn suspicious.” He adds on.

“You’ve built a whole case huh? Ever consider a career in law?” Mark replies; mimicking Kunpimook’s crossed arms.

“Actually yeah, for a brief time funnily enough, but stOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME.” Kunpimook all but shouts at the end.

Mark sighs and glances at Kunpimook with a soft contemplative look in his eyes, strangely reminiscent of when they had been interns and Kunpimook had thought the world of Mark and followed the boy around like a lost puppy. Damn it, but that look still makes Kunpimook slightly weak in the knees.

“You’re not going to stop till you get an answer, huh. Well, then, look, it’s just – you have to promise not to tell anyone, okay?” Mark says suddenly, looking weirdly…nervous?

Oh, oh my god. Kunpimook hadn’t actually thought Mark would tell him. The possibility of finding stuff out _easily_ had been slim at best so the fact that he had succeeded, again, _easily_ , was, well. He really should have gone into law.

“Of course.” He says, trying to sound as sincere as possible. It doesn’t work, judging by Mark’s frown.

“The truth is, customer service terrifies me.” Mark confesses.

“Terrifies?” Kunpimook is kind of confused. He’s pretty sure Mark isn’t scared of anything. The dude has nerves of steel.

“Yeah. Every time I talk on the phone, I feel like my pronunciation is wrong and suddenly my grammar literally disappears and before you know it, I’m stuttering like a fucking toddler while trying to ask people what their goddamn computer model is. Like, face to face, I’m fine. In fact, I’m fucking brilliant. But phones? And office settings? Sorry, incoming message from brain: _No fucking thanks. I’m taking a holiday._ ” Mark finishes with a look of deep disgust and with a quiet discomforting realisation, Kunpimook notes that it’s at himself.

“Oh.” Kunpimook knew the feeling of frustration at not being able to express yourself. In his first few years in Korea, he’d had a perpetual feeling of anxiety that sat in his throat like a stone, preventing him from speaking even when every atom of his extrovert being longed to. He remembers the terror of every college lecture during freshman year, of doing everything he could to avoid the professor’s gaze, lest it fall on him and begin a cycle of attempting to Not Sound Like An Idiot Whilst Answering A Question He Only Understood Partly.

But Kunpimook was Kunpimook. And Mark was Mark. Mark was impervious, stone faced in moments of emotional outburst, composed in moments of extreme stress. To think that someone as unflappable was Mark felt and continued to feel trepidation about speaking to people was both saddening and reassuring.

“I didn’t think –” Kunpimook flounders at Mark’s expectant gaze, “It’s just – you’re Mark hyung! You’re like – you’re never affected!”

Mark shrugs. “We all like to conceal what we are most insecure about, hide under masks until those masks become second skin. Some people do it through a show of unaffectedness, some create the illusion of narcissism.” He stares pointedly at Kunpimook.   
  
In any other situation, Kunpimook would reply with an ostentatious metaphor or extended dick joke. In fact, he’s sure that’s what Mark expects him to do. But he’s been hit with Raw Sincerity and no matter how much he jokes around; Mark is a hyung who Kunpimook holds deep respect and affection for. Also, experience has taught him something that none of Baekhyun’s novels could possibly explain:

When someone is open and exposes their vulnerable side to you, it is only fair that you hit them back with equal honesty. A simple truth that Kunpimook had been forced to learn during his first relationship in college.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Kunpimook closes his eyes. All his instincts tell him to stop talking now, a dumb teenage side of him chanting _No Vulnerability No Vulnerability No Vulnerability_ like a broken record of his past.

“You know, all of these jokes and metaphors and spiels.” He opens his eyes to see Mark staring at him with curiousity, “It began as a way to get over my fear of speaking. I mean, not anymore, now they’re like a part of me. Natural, easy, comforting even. But back in those early days, I felt like I was always the outsider. So I constructed jokes, and witty remarks, spent hours constructing them in fact. How do you get people to see you the way you want them to? Well, if you’re funny, people tend not to notice the loneliness. If you’re loud, people can’t see the anxiety.”

He swallows thickly at the next admission as it rests on his tongue, painfully personal. “If you’re confident, people won’t realise how worthless you really feel.”

He’s looking away so he doesn’t realise he’s being hugged until thin arms are wrapping around his frame and the familiar smell of Mark’s cologne (unchanged even after six years) engulfs his senses. He returns the hug, resting his head on the boy’s bony but again, familiar shoulder.

“You’re not worthless, BamBam-ah. You’re not.” Mark says, his voice firm and serious.

Kunpimook can’t help the smile and is glad Mark can’t see him. “And you’re the best conversationalist ever. You’re wickedly witty. When you’re with the ladies, it’s like seeing a modern day Keats. You bring out these metaphors about nature and the chicks practically fall onto your dick.”

Mark leans back and smiles with ineffable warmth at him. “You’re the one with the metaphors.”

“And yet, no ladies. What is the point?” Kunpimook jokes with a smile.

Mark grins at that, “Try it with the men. Example of a man: Kim Yugyeom.”

“We are _not_ talking about this. _Especially_ not now.” Kunpimook pulls away at the sudden subject change, cheeks tomato-red.

Mark laughs but doesn’t push it further.

“Hey hyung, seriously though.” Kunpimook leans into the older boy, “You have nothing to worry about. I’ll be with you and Jinyoung hyung will be with you and you’ll charm everyone’s pants off whilst explaining how to turn your modem on and off. Really, I’m more worried about Jackson. Have you seen him with Siri? He nearly sexted Yerin’s best friend while trying to ask her about Yerin’s birthday surprise.”

Mark laughs again, shaking his head. “Jackson would.”

And then he’s taking Kunpimook’s hand and squeezing it slightly. “And thanks. But I’ve got help. Jinyoung is going to spend the weekend helping me with pronunciation. He’s looked at the database kept by T.W.I.C.E. of the most commonly asked questions and printed out like ten copies.”

Kunpimook smiles at that because _Typical Overbearing Lovely Maternal Jinyoung_ before – 

“Wait, you told him?” Kunpimook asks in shock, and a bit of jealousy.

“He came over to my house the day of the outburst. Did his psychoanalysis thing and managed to weasel the thing out after three minutes. He really needs to stop hanging out with Baekhyun.” Mark shrugs.

“Motherfucker, I came second.” Kunpimook breathes.

Mark snorts, “Third actually. Jackson’s known for some time. He figured it out ages ago.”

“I thought I was special. And, that, we were having a moment, right?” Kunpimook asks, pouting.

Mark does a mixture of a laugh and sigh, somehow. “Only you can turn something beautiful and rom-com worthy into a comedy so quickly.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not like this is some sort of goddamn fanfiction categorised under Romance, Fluff and Comedy. I’ve got to balance our intimate moments with casual comedy _myself_. And through dialogue, since I don’t have telepathy in this alternate universe.” Kunpimook says.

“ _What_ are you saying?” Mark asks in confusion.

“I… _I don’t know_. I lost myself there. For some reason, it was like I was a sleep deprived teenage girl for a second. Gosh, that’s weird.” Kunpimook’s eyebrows furrow.

“Oh for God’s sake. You need to see a psychiatrist.” Mark rolls his eyes.

“I ruined the moment completely, didn’t I?” Kunpimook says forlornly.

Mark sighs. “Kind of. But it’s fine. We don’t have time to be so maudlin anyway.”

There is always time to be maudlin, Kunpimook thinks. He’s had enough experience; almost every Sunday afternoon he spends lying on his carpeted floor, listening to The Smiths and lamenting all his lost loves and wasted youth serve as example. He doesn’t say this though. The moment should end in a more beautiful way.

“Nice talk, though.” Kunpimook smiles sincerely, “Unlike you, I’ve never told anyone about how I…feel?  Not even Jinyoung hyung, though God knows he’s tried to get me to lay down on his Therapy Couch way too many times.”

“It was… nice.” He ends, flushing slightly at the horrible word choice. Nice? Really, Kunpimook?

“Really?” Mark smiles with surprise, “Well. You can always talk to me. You know that.”

Kunpimook thinks of their intern years; of nights spent huddled over dictionaries, of the secret grins and the obscene gestures and the sly comments in three different languages and the free snacks and the afternoon naps and the evening naps and the morning naps and _just everything_. He thinks of Mark and his wicked smile and his sweet laugh and his quiet but comforting presence. Of knowing, at the age of 23, that no matter what happened with his internship, that even if he was forced back to Thailand as a failure, that he would go back having made a blood brother.

He thinks of that and feels himself smile, freely, and he hopes that it conveys his appreciation and gratefulness.   
  
“I know.” He agrees and then the Moment draws to a close. The credits appear; the sorrowful and dramatic classic music is switched for elevator music. The audience comes back to life, suddenly noticing their breathing and their medically-not-advised-at-all posture and their uneaten food and their full bladder. Life resumes.

But, of course, there is time for a witty remark.

Mark turns at the door with a vicious grin.

“Make me a nice hot cup of instant coffee, will you?” He asks and leaves before Kunpimook can respond.

Kunpimook can’t help but laugh, “Motherfucker.”

He reaches for the mug.

 


	4. Itty Bitty Pretty One

“No, no, no.” Kunpimook resists the urge to break into the Apink song, but only barely, “All you have to do is restart the computer.”

“It’s a _blue_ screen,” The woman on the other hand all but cries, “I _know_ what they mean.”

Kunpimook sighs because, no, she probably doesn’t.

“I know that it has a bit of a terrible reputation but all you have to do is restart it. Seriously. Just restart your computer.” Kunpimook says politely.

“But what if something bad happens?”

Oh for fuck’s sake. This is a goddamn computer. It’s not going to go all fucking nuts and say “I have been awakened” before going into a phantasmagoric display of colours that make your cones go into overdrive. Fucking _Ex Machina_. That movie’s messed up the entire world. 

“Don’t worry. I’m here. Just restart it.” Kunpimook resists the urge to projectile vomit all over his keyboard.

“Okay, I’m doing it.” The woman’s voice is shaky and Kunpimook is sure that if this wasn’t his 32nd call of the day, he would have appreciated the dramatics.

After a few moments of silence wherein Kunpimook thinks of how he’s going to make a comic book where the hero is a computer called “Blue Screen of Death” and is a really swell guy and the underdog and is constantly being judged by others because of his name and appearance until he blossoms into a beautiful swan when the woman suddenly (read: finally) speaks up.

“It’s fine. It’s, wow, it’s totally fine.” She says with relief.

God bless.

“There you go! That wasn’t so hard, huh?” He hopes he doesn’t sound patronising. Jinyoung says that he has a tendency to sound kind of like a dick when he’s trying to be supportive.

“Yes! Thank you!” The woman doesn’t notice.

“No problem. Feel free to call for any other issues. Have a nice day.” Kunpimook says and then promptly hangs up.

He turns to see Yugyeom engaged in a quiet discussion about a malfunctioning printer. The boy has a pen stuck in his mouth and makes “Hmmm” noises every few moments. It’s attractive, his mind supplies, very very attractive. So attractive. Super attractive.

But then, Kunpimook finds that with Yugyeom, his wide vocabulary is generally reduced to “attractive”, “hot” and “fuck-oh-my-god-look-at-him”. Kim Yugyeom, is, as Taehyung had said, showing his great verbosity and superior intellect, “One hot motherfucker.”

(Namjoon, the only true intellect, had said: “He possesses features akin to a hero in a Greek tragedy; wide forehead and straight nose. Strong eyes, bold brow. Skin as supple as Aphrodite’s nipp-”

Yoongi had smacked him before he could get to the end.)

But, as Kunpimook has realised with deep horror and fondness, Yugyeom is more than just good looks. For one, he’s a complete _dork_. If the Chris Brown shrine wasn’t incriminating enough, Jackson found one-shots written by Yugyeom in high school, based on the _Star Wars_ universe.

(That, of course, had instigated a huge debate between Jinyoung and Yugyeom over whether _Star Trek_ or _Star Wars_ was better. Jinyoung, in favour of _Star Trek,_ finished the debate looking half-crazed and with a teary Yugyeom in tow.)

He enjoys watching dance videos and listens to rap exclusively from the late 1900s and early 2000s, proclaiming it to be “the Golden Age for Rap”. He also keeps up with several dubstep blogs and three cooking blogs (“More to please my mother than anything else.” He’d admitted sheepishly).

Yugyeom, Kunpimook discovered, was incredibly empathetic. Quick to laugh. His little tantrums, mostly centred on Jinyoung, left the entire office laughing and his sudden quick remarks could even have Kunpimook and Mark grappling for a comeback. True, he had a tendency to get a bit moody and sulk over little things, and his lack of respect for his elders was very apparent.

But when Kunpimook looked at all of the traits that comprised Kim Yugyeom, all he could feel was incredible fondness and desire. All he could think was _‘God, I really want you. I want you. I want you. I want you.’_ The more he learned about Yugyeom, the deeper he fell. And the deeper he fell, the harder it became to pretend that he wasn’t falling, that he was standing at the edge of the pit, merely gazing into it with the curiosity of a New York pedestrian.

He looks away as Yugyeom hangs up, his eyes turning to his computer, opened up in a bout of despair to ‘How to kill yourself with a wireless phone while still talking to someone on it’ from the 26th call (“I lost all my files. Like…all. And I need them by tomorrow.”).

“Gosh, this is the worst.” Yugyeom says and Kunpimook turns subtly, as if he hadn’t been gazing longingly at the boy for the past three minutes.

“Strong agreement.” He mumbles back.

“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad,” Jinyoung is suddenly peering at them from over his cubicle, “At least you don’t have to go through the _long_ list of questionable things Jackson has done _this week_ and decide whether they are illegal or not.”

Yugyeom snorts.

“Oh man, I still can’t believe he actually brought the box of dildos.” Kunpimook snickers.

“Don’t act like you’re innocent, _Kunpimook-ah_. I know you were involved, somehow.” Jinyoung says, Kunpimook’s name purposeful in its intonation.

“It’s _Kunpimook_ and hey, there was no evidence against me.” Kunpimook shrugs with an easy grin.                                                                                        

“A regular sleuth, you are.” Jinyoung says dryly before looking down at his papers distractedly, “Well, you may have escaped the law this time but I _will_ get you.”

At that point, almost eerily as if they were in a horror movie, Kunpimook’s phone rings. He gazes exasperatedly at Yugyeom.

Forget demons and ghosts, the real terror in this world were those who had unlimited access to technology but limited access to the functions of the brain (A Key Example: not being able to use Google).

 

 

 

 

**~YOU HAVE LOGGED INTO GOT5~**

 

**bamboss: five fucking minutes y’all**

**bamboss: and then we are freEEEEEEE**

**tuanman: what are the new names**

**tuanman: surprisingly low in creativity**

**tuanman: i had higher standards for u bambam**

**tuanman: colour me disappointed**

**j-flawless: oh yeeee bambammmm**

**j-flawless: love u buddy**

**bamboss: thanks bro i put that money to good use (no, this is not about bribery pls do not look at this and assume anything sordid occurred)**

**bamboss: and mark, i don’t COLOUR anyone. im not a fuccken racist k??**

**tuanman: r u drunk**

**bamboss: the only thing im drunk on is life, brother**

**tuanman: omfg**

**choiboi: what is MY NAME**

**dimkim: ^^ yeah me 2 but also**

**dimkim: why are like 90% of our convos about our fucking names**

**j-flawless: ay kid**

**j-flawless: no dirty words in the chat**

**j-flawless: especially from u, ur underaged**

**dimkim: OH MY GOD I AM NOT UNDERAGED I AM LITERALLY THE SAME AGE AS BAMBAM**

**bamboss: no ur birthday hasn’t come yet so im a year older lol sucker take that**

**bamboss: and jackson’s right**

**bamboss: C = Clean**

**bamboss: H = Hygienic**

**bamboss: A = Anal (and not the kind ur thinking of, u perv)**

**bamboss: T = Tits**

**tuanman: what the absolute fuck**

**tuanman: stop with this foolhardiness**

**j-flawless: hey yugyeom u were wrong**

**j-flawless: this chat is 65% bullshit about our names, 12% dick jokes and 33% mark using the word “foolhardiness” incessantly**

**j-flawless: like wtf is up with THAT man**

**tuanman: im not going to be irritated by a guy with the handle ‘j-flawless’**

**j-flawless: whatever u say tuanman**

**bamboss: not that ur flirting isn’t fascinating material for psychoanalysis and further examination**

**bamboss: bUT we need an update on the post it for our Booty Call Competition**

**tuanman: :)))**

**tuanman: six motherfuckers.**

**choiboi: what!! i only got 2!!!!**

**choiboi: not fair :(:(**

**tuanman: i can’t help but be charming**

**j-flawless: i got 5 dammit**

**j-flawless: so close**

**dimkim: fuck, i got 3**

**dimkim: but one of them is a granny who wants me to hang out with her grandson who’s like 9**

**bamboss: LMAOOOOO**

**bamboss: okay I already knew about that since I was next to him when it happened**

**bamboss: but STILL**

**bamboss: LMAOOO**

**choiboi: how much did ya get bambamie**

**bamboss: three as well**

**bamboss: but no hot cougars much to my disappointment**

**choiboi: damn u all TO HELL**

**bamboss: oh pls youngjae**

**bamboss: ur internet history is enough by itself to send u to hell**

**choiboi: O_O**

**choiboi: WHAT THE HECK NO WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING**

**bamboss: oh you know, my dear.**

**~choiboi has left~**

 

**dimkim: not that ur flirting isn’t fascinating material for psychoanalysis and further examination**

**dimkim: but it’s time to GO**

**dimkim: 5:00 MOTHERFUCKERS**

**bamboss: yugyeom be happy that i am too overjoyed at the fact that we’re finally finished with the day to sue you for copyright issues**

**dimkim: love you <3**

Kunpimook’s throat dries up as he reads the turquoise font. “Oh, you motherfucker.” He mumbles, quietly enough that Yugyeom can’t hear it from next to him. His fingers hover over the keyboard as he thinks for a second.

 

**bamboss: fuck you <3**

Yugyeom’s sharp laugh from next to him brings a grin to Kunpimook’s face.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun sorts though his books, humming quietly to himself. Kunpimook leans back against the armchair. It’s one of the ugliest things that Kunpimook has ever seen; a complex farrago of retina-burning shades that have Kunpimook reaching for his own shades in a futile attempt to save his eyes from complete obliteration. 

It’s _also_ the most fucking comfortable thing that Kunpimook has ever sat on. If it hadn’t been for the inevitable mockery and unfortunate colours, Kunpimook would have stolen and taken it to the office.

“What about a play this time?” Baekhyun inquires, turning slightly to look at Kunpimook. There is a content smile on his lips and a spark in his eyes. He looks really good, in his element. Kunpimook always forgets how attractive he is, what with the security guard uniform that always has mustard stains and weird creases; it’s easy to forget. But now, with a band t-shirt and worn jeans, Baekhyun looks younger, more boyish and like, ten times more attractive.

“Uh,” Kunpimook puts his head on his palm, “Yeah, sure. I liked _A Streetcar Named Desire_. And I read a few Shakespeare plays in high school.”

“ _A Streetcare Named Desire_?” Baekhyun’s eyebrows are raised, “Was that out of your own volition?”

“Yeah,” Kunpimook smirks, “Just ‘cause I like dick jokes and did computer science, doesn’t mean I’m completely uncultured. Or braindead. Or both.”

“Trust me, Kunpimook, the last word I would use to describe you would be braindead.” Baekhyun says, and Kunpimook feels a warm flush.

“Wow, compliments, huh? Someone woke up on the right side of the bed. But, whose bed would that be?” Kunpimook says.

Baekhyun laughs, loud and clear. “Your mum’s.” He retorts.

“Fuck, and you managed to make it to our afternoon soirée? You absolute legend.” Kunpimook.

“You better believe it.” Baekhyun says before he takes out a bound book, holding it tightly in his hand.

“Here. Try this.” He hands a worn copy to Kunpimook.

“ _Antigone_? I’ve heard of this. Isn’t it a Greek tragedy?” Kunpimook says.

Baekhyun sighs an almost lovesick sigh. “It’s _the_ Greek tragedy. I read it at the age of sixteen and fuck, dude, it’s some deep heavy shit.”

“Highly articulate comment, that.” Kunpimook says dryly, but his curiousity has been sparked and he gazes at the book with interest.

Baekhyun snorts, and then his eyes squint, suddenly becoming sharp.

“Well, how about this.” He pauses. “It’s one of the purest examples of Greek tragedy. Geometrically perfect. It forces the mind to think, and think about things that don’t have answers which is really _the point_. You read it and you cannot stand on one side, you read it and you are forced to realise that there are no sides, in anything. It’s mistaken for propaganda, mistaken for delirious bullshit, but what Sophocles has created is a masterpiece.”

Baekhyun smiles wryly. “He takes you by the fucking balls and he forces you to sit and think. And it’s torture. But it’s the most fucking wonderful torture you could ever undergo.”

“I thought this was Sophocles…you’re giving a speech as if this were Aeschylus.” Kunpimook replies, slightly overwhelmed by the sudden passion.

Baekhyun leans back against his bookshelf and his eyes sparkle with amusement. “Would you rather I bring out my inner Euripides?”

“Nah,” Kunpimook tilts his head, “Word play’s more of my thing.”

“Ah, But subtlety isn’t.” Baekhyun grins back, all teeth.

“And you’re the personification of subtlety, huh? I can see the flower bouquet from here.” Kunpimook retorts.

Baekhyun’s eyes widen suddenly and he turns to the left to see the bouquet which had been hidden not-so-conspicuously behind a lamp.

“Oh _fuck_.” Baekhyun intones and Kunpimook bursts into obnoxious laughter.

“Come on now, you’ve gotta show it.” He says through his laughter.

Baekhyun contemplates for a second before realising (very smartly, Kunpimook notes) that he can’t escape this. He brings out the flowers, white ones with yellow in the middle.

“What are they? And who are they for?” Kunpimook asks. It’s a well-known fact amongst friends that Baekhyun’s passion for flowers is Damn Serious.

“Narcissuses, obtained with great effort. And _you know_ who they’re for.” Baekhyun says, a faint pink dusting his cheeks.

“Ah yes,” Kunpimook leans back into the armchair, closing his eyes, “Do Kyungsoo, cute boy next door and current holder of Byun Baekhyun’s heart. A tragedy worse than _Antigone_ ; the Do Man remains clueless to the Byun Man’s affections.”

“Don’t ever use those poor excuses of nicknames ever again.” Baekhyun says, head in his palms as he collapses onto his seat.

“Alright, alright. I cede; that was horrible. I’m disappointed myself.” Kunpimook says, half-groaning and half-laughing.

There are a few moments of silence before –

“So what do they mean?” Kunpimook asks because Baekhyun’s love for flowers is not for Aesthetic Reasons or an obsession with plants (though to be fair, gardening _had_ become a central part of his life) but rather his love for the poetry and sentimentality that emerged with the _language_ of flowers. He found the hidden symbolisms fascinating and is known to sometimes speak with flowers with a lot of people.

For Kunpimook’s birthday, he’d given him irises. When Kunpimook had searched up the meaning, he’d been inexplicably touched.

“Check the Bible.” Baekhyun motions over to a book placed on the coffee table. Kunpimook takes up Baekhyun’s written diary of different types of flowers (Nerd Alert) and flips through the pages, his eyes skimming through the flower names.

He stops as he sees Narcissus, written in Baekhyun’s spider-like scrawl.

“ _Stay as lovely and sweet as you are today_?” Kunpimook looks up, “You’re fucking whipped.”

“Yeah, I know.” Baekhyun sighs.

“Does he like you?” Kunpimook says as he continues to read the page.

“I’m like 63% sure he’s not. He’s a lawyer and he knows I’m a security guard. Probably thinks I’m a _fucking troglodyte_.” 

Kunpimook’s eyes darken. “If he thinks you’re a troglodyte, then he’s a troglodyte. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

Baekhyun smiles, “That’s sweet.”

“Do I get a narcissus then?” Kunpimook flatters.

“And moment ruined. You seem to do that very often.” Baekhyun observes. 

“Mark hyung can give you a list, chronological or alphabetical, depending on your preference.” Kunpimook says with finger guns.

“I might just take him on that offer. I’m interested to see what exactly urges you to ruin moments in this way. Perhaps some sort of repressed fear of intimacy?” Baekhyun inquires, his eyebrows suddenly doing the Thing that they do when he’s trying to pry into someone’s brain.

“You’re not my therapist, dude, and besides, I think you’re mistaking me for Yoongi hyung.” Kunpimook said.

Baekhyun snorts. “Fucking hell, he’d kill you if he found out you said that.”

“Which is why he won’t, right?” Kunpimook asks.

Baekhyun just smiles with a secretive smile.

“Hey, don’t go all Mona Lisa on me! You’re not going to tell him, right?” Kunpimook asks again.

“I’m going to make more tea.” Baekhyun replies, getting up quickly.

“Baekhyun hyung!”

 

 

 

 

On Monday morning, Kunpimook walks into the office building to see Baekhyun huddled over his desk, his head in his hands. He’s with Yugyeom; after discovering that they lived quite close to each other, they made a point to walk together on most days. 

(Also, there’s something simultaneously comforting and magical about the sight of a sleepy Yugyeom waiting at the bottom of his building. But, this isn’t the time for that.)

He exchanges a quizzical look with Yugyeom before walking up to Baekhyun.

“What’s wrong, hyung?” He asks, leaning forward.

Baekhyun looks up with a look of deep consternation, “ _Rerumque ignarus imagine gaudet_.” He slurs.

Kunpimook’s eyes widen; “Are you drunk, hyung?”

He feels Yugyeom shift slightly at the question.

Baekhyun smiles, “Bingo.”

“Fuck, hyung, why the hell are you at work?” Kunpimook says, quickly going around the receptionist’s desk to the boy.

“Didn’t know where else to go.” Baekhyun says drowsily.

Kunpimook bites his lip as he looks at the boy. It had been a while since Baekhyun had gotten drunk.

(Back in the early days, he could barely be seen without a drink but he’d stopped when the landlord of the building had threatened to fire him. Gardening had then become an obsession of the security guard’s; a weird hobby that let him curb the constant thirst. Kunpimook didn’t know much about it other than that; having been new when Baekhyun had been at his worst.)

He can feel Yugyeom looking up at him and looks up to see the boy examining him with concern.

“What are we going to do? Should I get Jinyoung hyung?” Yugyeom asks.

“No, don’t call him. Besides, I’m pretty sure he isn’t here. He would have noticed Baekhyun hyung right away.” Kunpimook responds and then thinks.

One. Two. Three.

“I’m calling Chanyeol hyung.” He tells Baekhyun as he brings out his phone.

“No,” Baekhyun’s head shoots up, “Don’t call – don’t call him!”

“I don’t have a choice, hyung! You can’t stay here like this.” Kunpimook says, glaring briefly at Baekhyun as he quickly searches his contacts before pulling up the boy’s number.

(“In case. You never know, right?” Park Chanyeol had smiled that ubiquitous sharp and brilliant smile and Kunpimook had found himself agreeing even though he hadn’t known the boy for more than five minutes.)

Baekhyun continues to whine but Kunpimook tunes him out.

It takes six rings before someone picks up.

“Uhhh, hello?” Chanyeol has evidently been woken up by the call; his deep voice is even deeper than normal and rough with sleep.

Kunpimook presses his hand into a fist to stop himself from thinking about how attractive it is because that is _so totally not_ appropriate right now.

“Hi, this is Kunpimook – BamBam! You may not remember me but we met at the office party two years ago?”

“Uhh,” Chanyeol intones, “Hang on – you’re Baekhyun’s dongsaeng, right?”

“Yes, yup! That’s me.” Kunpimook says with relief.

“What happened? It’s Baekhyun, I’m guessing?” Chanyeol asks, his voice sounding slightly more awake, though he stops in the middle of the sentence to yawn, very audibly, into the phone.

“Yeah, I mean no, he’s fine. But, uh, he’s drunk. I was wondering if you could…pick him up?” As he voices it out loud, Kunpimook realises how ridiculous the request is. Baekhyun and Chanyeol haven’t spoken in a year or so; Chanyeol has no obligation to come whatsoever and here Kunpimook is, asking him to.

There’s some movement on the other line and then –

“Okay, yeah. Where is he?”

“At the office. Do you remember –”

“Yeah, I remember the address. I’ll be there in fifteen.” Chanyeol says and then hangs up.

Kunpimook turns to Baekhyun. “He’s coming.”

“ _Fuck_.” Is all Baekhyun says before his head plants firmly onto his desk. Yugyeom’s hands dance around him as he looks at Kunpimook with panic, obviously unsure of what to do.

Kunpimook reaches forwards and grabs Yugyeom’s arm to still it; the action more instinctual than anything. The boy twitches slightly and then gazes at Kunpimook with – with –

Kunpimook doesn’t know.

He pushes the arm down gently to the boy’s side and lets go. “It’s fine. We’ll wait for Chanyeol hyung to get here.”

“Who’s Chanyeol, uh, hyung?” Yugyeom looks down at the arm which Kunpimook had just held a moment ago, an unreadable expression on his face.

“He’s Baekhyun hyung’s ex-boyfriend. He’s a DJ.” Kunpimook says.

“What.” Yugyeom replies.

“He’s Baekhyun hyung’s ex –”

“No, I got that. But, why did you call him?” Yugyeom asks, “I mean, don’t people usually try and avoid their exes?”

Kunpimook winces, “Um, it’s complicated. They’re kind of – well they’re not like normal people.”

Baekhyun snorts, somehow, with his head still on the desk.

“What do you mean?” Yugyeom asks.

“It’s, it’s hard to explain.” Kunpimook replies, scratching his head.

“The landlord.” Baekhyun says suddenly, looking up with wide-eyed fear.

“Fuck,” Kunpimook’s eyes widen, “Right. Forgot that.”

He turns to Yugyeom. “Can you do me a favour?”

Yugyeom nods slowly.

“Do you know where the landlord stays?” He asks.

“Yeah, Jinyoung hyung introduced me to him when I first came. Really nice guy, questionable fashion taste.” Yugyeom says.

“Yeah, the coral pants are a bit too much, huh? Makes Jinyoung hyung look fashionable, for fuck’s sake – wait. Fuck. I’m getting distracted.” Kunpimook says, pointing an accusatory finger at the younger boy who raises his eyebrows with mock affront in response.

“Can you go and tell him that Baekhyun hyung is running a high fever and that he’s being dropped off at home by a friend?” Kunpimook finishes.

“Why me? Why can’t you go?” Yugyeom questions.

“Well, he’ll be suspicious of anything I say. Just ‘cause me and Jackson set off fireworks on the roof once, he assumes that we’re behind everything weird that happens at the office.” Kunpimook says. And, he needs answers.

Yugyeom sighs but nods. He pats Baekhyun on the shoulder and then is gone, the elevator taking him to the top, where their Big Brother resides.

“Okay, what happened?” Kunpimook interrogates.

“Nothing.” Baekhyun says.

“What did Kyungsoo do?” Kunpimook continues.

Baekhyun winces. “That’s Kyungsoo hyung, you know. He’s older than you.”

“I don’t give a shit at this moment. Take it as foreigner indecency or whatever. What did he do?” Kunpimook asks.

“Well, you know how I was going to give him the narcissuses? Well, he thought they were some sort of allusion to Narcissus and that I was somehow suggesting that he was arrogant and then he sort of started to rant a bit and I was too confused to correct him so I just sort of – like – ran into my flat.” Baekhyun says, groaning at the end, as he places his head in his hands.

“Did you get drunk because of that?” Kunpimook says, stroking the boy’s head thoughtfully.

“No. Yes. I don’t know. I just started and then I didn’t stop. I also read _Atlas Shrugged_. That pissed me off so much, fuck.”

“What did I tell you about reading Ayn Rand?” Kunpimook admonishes.

“What _did_ you tell me about reading Ayn Rand?” Baekhyun asks.

“Nothing. ‘Cause you shouldn’t be reading her at all. Ever.” Kunpimook replies.

Baekhyun smiles at that, albeit a bit dopily. “Ha ha. I would laugh but I feel like I’m going to vomit.”

“Yeah, don’t laugh.” Kunpimook says quickly.

“Then don’t be such a joke.” Baekhyun responds dryly.

“Ouch. I’ll let that go since you’re kind of heartbroken and drunk.” Kunpimook says.

“I’m not heartbroken; Kyungsoo’s brilliantly skilled at avoiding my advances and it’s not like this is the first time. I’m starting to wonder whether he hates me.” Baekhyun says, a little self-effacing smile on his face.

“Maybe he’s dense.” Kunpimook suggests.

Baekhyun snorts. “He’s a lawyer. He can’t be dumb.”

Kunpimook stops stroking the boy’s hair and leans back angrily. He sighs, takes a deep breath and then –

“ _Stop_ saying that. You’re a security guard and more widely read than the entire fucking lawyer’s department, I bet. Namjoon hyung’s the goddamn manager of his own _stationary_ business and he’s got an IQ of 148. Even Chanyeol hyung’s got that whole photographic memory thing and he’s a goddamn DJ. Your _métier_ obviously has _nothing_ to do with how smart you are.”

“Agreed.” Kunpimook turns in surprise to see Yugyeom staring at them with a satisfied smile on his face.

“That was quick; did Joonmyun hyung not grill you?” Baekhyun asks.

“Not really. I think he was kind of busy.” Yugyeom shrugs.

“How much of that did you hear?” Kunpimook asks, suddenly awkward at his outburst. It hadn’t been like his usual remarks; cool, calculated, exaggerated. He’d been genuine, and he’d stumbled with his words and probably mispronounced a few as well and God – Fuck.

“Well, I had no idea that Namjoon hyung had an IQ of 148. And that hyung was into reading. And that Chanyeol is apparently a camera.” Yugyeom says, his tone flippant.

“Why am I a camera?” They all turn to see Park Chanyeol standing at the entrance. Fuck, this people-entering-at-the-tail-ends-of-conversations is really becoming an old trope.

Kunpimook looks at Chanyeol. His now-brown hair (it had been a silvery shade when Kunpimook had first met him) is slightly messy as if he’d run his hands through it a few times. His eyes are wide, expressive, speculative. Despite just having woken up, he seems quite awake. He’s wearing a brown shirt and a huge…coat? That’s weird; it’s only October after all. He looks very much the same as he had two years ago; same long limbs, same Cheshire smile, same quick movements.

Baekhyun makes a groaning sound, quiet enough that only Yugyeom and Kunpimook hear.

“Your photographic memory.” Kunpimook fills the silence.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows raise and he mouths “Ah” in understanding. His eyes shift between Kunpimook and Yugyeom before settling on Baekhyun.

“Hey Baekhyunnie.” Chanyeol says; his voice is deep but otherwise devoid of emotion.

“Don’t call me that, dickhead.” Baekhyun grimaces back, almost childishly.

Something in Chanyeol seems to relax at the response and he lets out a loose laugh, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Come on. I’ll take you home.”

Baekhyun sighs and then looks at Kunpimook. Kunpimook stares resolutely back. One. Two. Three. Four.

“Alright, fine. I’m going.” Baekhyun sighs.

“Atta boy.” Kunpimook says.

Baekhyun grimaces at the English and then walks up to Chanyeol. After some grumbling (Baekhyun) and good-natured eye-rolling (Chanyeol), the pair leaves.

Kunpimook lets out a deep sigh and leans back against Baekhyun’s desk.

“What a morning, huh?” He asks Yugyeom.

Yugyeom merely raises an eyebrow; “I’m waiting for the explanation.”

“For what?” Kunpimook raises an eyebrow back.

“Don’t be coy,” Yugyeom has a slightly annoyed look on his face, “I deserve to know.

Kunpimook grins and puts his hands up to his face in a cutesy motion. “Me? Being coy?” He asks.

Yugyeom tilts his head; “Are _you_ drunk as well?

Kunpimook deflates. “Alright, alright, I get it; no need to insult my aegyo. And there’s not much to it.

“Baekhyun hyung used to have a drinking problem a few years back but when Joonmyun hyung became the landlord, he forced him to stop. Baekhyun hyung went to those group therapy sessions, did the whole program with the different steps and everything, and got better. Occasionally, it resurfaces.” He shrugs at the end, as if to say ‘what-can-ya-do?’

Yugyeom frowns slightly, a thoughtful expression on his face, “Then what triggered it?”

Kunpimook shifts at that. “I don’t really think it’s my place to tell.”

Yugyeom stares at him for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, okay, fair enough.”

Kunpimook grins at the easiness of it, “Have I ever told you how happy I am that you’re not Jinyoung?”

Yugyeom laughs, “No, I don’t think you have.”

“Well, I’m so happy you’re not Jinyoung.” Kunpimook says.

Yugyeom laughs harder this time. Kunpimook tries not to melt. He fails.

 

 

 

 


End file.
